The Eyes Of The Eagle

On the edge of attainment
Treading not to carefully
Prefaced by initial rites
Awaiting communion

Return from exile
Circumnavigate desire
Explore the oceanic depths
Of the heart

The solitude is suffocating
Enveloped by distance
At odds with language
Mesmerized by memory

All is spoken through your eyes
As premeditated as your touch
Secretive as your smile
Penetrating through your gaze

Observed under your protection
Enamored of your strength and beauty
Confronted with the force of your will
The presence of your power

Break through the icy moment
The regal disposition
The eyes of the eagle
And into your soul

Let The Jaded Teardrops Fall

Perceiving an eclipse
A bitter end followed by a new beginning
Caressing your face in my hands
I see the emotions in your eyes
Communication without speaking
Feeling our way wordlessly
The way you blush and understand instinctively
The world does not exist between us
Nor the hearts that have been broken
Evolution of desire
Accepting the inevitable
A reality hidden in the present
To be unleashed in the near future
Take my name as a lioness hunts her prey
Let the jaded teardrops fall
I see the angel in you
Presiding over a fanciful cabaret
The glitter fading in the starlight
Breaking into the realm of abandon
Feel my flesh against yours
The softness of your skin appreciated
The wetness of your mouth
Your breath upon me
Hold a dream hostage
Let time decide who rules
I feel your moist fur
Triangulation of access
You want the animal spirit
To penetrate your soul

Fire And Ice

From the abyss of depression
Came a ray of hope
The depths of the sea
Were conquered by you long ago

I needed to hear your siren call
Before I lost my mind
Even if you led me to my death
Crashing into rocks and foam

Brutal epiphany of consciousness
Played out in a wild scene
Your voice loudly proclaiming
Independence

How many days escaped me
How many nights betrayed
As you surveyed me
To make sure I followed the way

Eyes that burrow into my soul
An embrace of pure strength
Statuesque and stately
Radiating beauty and power

Fire and ice
In remarkable interplay
Drawing me closer
To feeling alive

Ready For Anything

Two bit cabarets
Not a question of shame
A passage of years
Lapsing into antiquity

Your eyes stare through me
Piercing my spirit
Sudden realization
Jolt of recognition

So carefully you played the game
Leaving nothing to chance
Cards held close to the vest
Until the final hand

One cycle ends, another begins
Taking it all to another level
Learning to let go of the past
Just like you told me

Your strength is captivating
Beauty relentless
Mind brilliant
Heart unfathomable

Ready for anything
What we show each other
What we share
When hands are joined

All These Dreams Invading Me

I feel your love
From across the table
Sense it in your gaze
Warmly through your smile

You wait for my word
Focus on me
All these dreams invading me
Discarding the rules

I have seen the emotion in you
Heard it in your voice
Felt it in your presence
Let it wash over my spirit

Doubt plagued my heart
Made a prisoner of my intent
A wicked feeling
Bringing only despair

You walk in the sun
Holding on to your fate
It is not just me
I am here regardless

How can this go on
From dawn to dusk
On the edge of intensity
Between us

Untamed In A Forgotten Scene

Some kind of clean vision
Transfixed in the light
Aware of her dreams
Untamed in a forgotten scene
Do you remember back when
You and I first met
The way the city felt
As we slipped it in
The night cascading
It was all I ever wanted to be
At one with your soul
Burning down an isolated road
Your eyes are no mystery today
I feel the remnants of your pain
The strength in your heart
Holding my hand from across the room
The things we wish could be said
How long can we keep them inside
Make excuses forever
Wait for the sky to conquer the rain
And pretend we do not care
I see the look on your face
In control of your world
Taking hold of my spirit
With no plan written on the wall
Have the flames laid waste to everything
We used to know
How to live without telling
Down here with the smoke

I Do Not Know Why I Do This

Smiling like the sun
On a beautiful summer day
Regal in your grace
Silhouetted against the sky
Fragile under a tough exterior
Arisen from the sea
Once the pincers lock into place
You are hers forever
To be nurtured and adored
Within her shell
I do not know why I do this
It feels as if I have been hit
Surrounded by your love
There is no escape
I want to protect you
As you defend me against the world
Dying to be in your presence
The only place I find peace
You envelop me in a gentle fortress
When you feel hurt
The pain in your eyes is a whirlpool
I sail the storm to help you
Almost overwhelmed by your despair
The sun eventually breaks through the clouds
And beams through your entire body
Summer is here
The faint aroma of spring remains
As I look forward to seeing you everyday
By the shore

Carpe Diem

To catch the rays of the sun
Basking in the glory of light
The flowers of beauty are in bloom
Nature at its peak
Riding the high wave of the cycle
I want to keep it all there
Forever at the zenith
Make a fortress of this perch
As the world keeps turning
I feel your heart beating
Deep inside of you
Is a spark of immortality
Impervious to any wound
When you took me in your arms
It felt as if you would crush my bones
We stood there conjoined
I wish you could escape the frail twilight
Ignore and postpone the dusk
Steal whatever still shines from the stars
You kissed me so hard I thought you would kill me
We cannot fight time
Or what it does to how we feel about each other
When the darkness falls I hear you breathing
At dawn your beauty returns
Like a silent film star
Preserved for eternity
A bird taking flight
Against a clear blue sky
Carpe diem

Submit To Me

Submit to me
All of your failed dreams
The path to your broken heart
A body full of pain
Can you suddenly derail
A day full of hope
For a night without love
Was it more than a fantasy
Played out over the years
Following a golden dawn
Searching for reprieve
Are these wishes fencing us in
Maybe we should live what comes
Until the end
Not wondering about what could have been
What lies behind the veil
Are we victims of time
Felons of fame
Pronounced dead at the scene
Could I ever show you
What it all means
Behind the darkness
In the arms of a powerful soul
I can see all that you are
After you are gone
Whatever is left
I will keep it here
Forsaking the dread of the day
As the night takes us down

Mary Magdalene

At the feet of Magdalene
Worshipping the woman not the saint
Her smooth skin under my touch
My hand on her silky thigh
Our love is under siege
By the powers that be
Renegades riding through the streets
During a blissful blue sky day
Will it all be lost as a forgotten dream
Languishing as the sun is eclipsed by the sea
The path is uncertain as night approaches
Leading a double life takes its toll
You eye me with cautious anticipation
Trying to second guess our fate
Our circumstance places us against the wall
Staring at each other in quiet epiphany
Our business is a barrier between us
A blockade that is difficult to navigate
To experience intimacy at a strange distance
I feel you upon me but I cannot touch you
Beyond the rules of the game
A farce of shackles I wish to throw off
To show reality for what it is
A moment in time between us
That no one can deny
You painted yourself for me
Awaiting our decadent afternoon
I heard your eager voice
Calling me to you

Swim In The Lake Of Your Dreams

So you thought you would tease it out
Perhaps your beauty was put into a glass jar
As you seduced the mirror in the morning
Only having to rely on your last glorious moment
The night reminiscent of your superficial dreams
Thoughts of romance and fame
Drunken abandon to steady your nerves
You do not feel the strong embrace of his
Sucking in the vision of a lost youth
Standing alone in the abyss of the bar
Observing the last remnants of a written lie
This is the final rapture before the dawn
Fueled by a narcissistic image
Forget the narcotic eclipse of your soul
Use the power of your presence
In the end the flowers have faded
Drying and mourning into dust
The stars will shine upon a new brand of reverie
If the mask would be lowered
Intimacy could be revealed
A scarlet stain upon the floor
Swim in the lake of your dreams
Ignoring the desperation of this world
Soft flesh elicits memory
Drawing on the animal instinct
Your eyes follow the virgin path
Where pleasure followed pain
Then you smiled and saw the landscape
While embracing it in your arms

The Red Mask

Tears flow into the river
Covered by the red mask
Ancient hills have found you
Searching for the sun
Your body a symbol of youth
Soft flesh upon the earth
The flower is in bloom
With all of the beauty
And organic wisdom we can bear
Bring out the younger expression
Fair to gaze upon this day
Love as a failed masterpiece
Unable to endure the vagarious
Nature of time
Smiling in the presence of space and time
I feel you near and embrace your warmth
A tragedy acted out at midnight
Of wanting a fleeting desire
Standing steady upon the rocks of hope
Forever enduring a mild apocalypse
Strategy of seduction coming into play
Annihilating words of love as segue
To a nonexistent rhapsody
The way you stare at me
With abundance beyond compromise
Take you by the hand make it reality
Swim in the lake of peace
Drowning in your vision
Saved by your grace

Red Is Your Glory

Red is your glory
I see you
How can you be insecure and confused
When your presence is sheer beauty
I can see within you
True charisma
Depth knowledge and grace
I want to pull out what is in you
For the world to see
Are they blind
Do they ignore a stunning sunset
Beauty is not skin deep
You are permeated by loveliness
I can show you the center
You grab me by the heart
With ancient wisdom and tentative life
I can show you radiant vistas
That emerge from your soul
Feel life in your veins
Forget the future and reinvent the past
What is this planet
Full of greed and corruption
I hear your voice and have faith in your will
Let me show you possibility
Do not listen to the angry crowd
Feel your heart and trust it
It will show you the way
I want to destroy the sadness
That lives in your world

As Naked As An Angel

And under the current laws
Filling our minds with misguided shelter
I do not want to be the one
Who takes it for granted by night
That these rebel thoughts forsake us
Driving us into blind ambition through hope
Perhaps you have always been freer than me
A mad aristocracy devoid of reason
Hypocrisy abandons wisdom
We all do what we must
Suffering pleasure at sunset
Why must it be denied
Because we hide behind propriety
The sun is at odds with the moon
We worship the sky above us
Waiting for a sign of absolution
This is a private sojourn
I have seen you
As naked as an angel
These times are etched in my mind
Configuration of desire
I see the pure designation of image
Your fresh bloom is experienced
A fluid river flowing ceaselessly
Beyond mansions beyond love
In the stark fluorescent light
The darkness of your beauty
Reminiscent of a dream
Freedom

These Dreams Are Not Allowed

These dreams are not allowed
Stumbling through the darkness
A phase of restless wandering
After facing a mundane world
Devoid of the higher hunger
Facing the starless void
Introspective contemplation
No one can reach inside you
Your serpentine intestines entwined
Walking an uncertain path
Shrouded in the moonlight
Harboring antiquated hope
Sensuality confronted with a ruthless world
Dark eyes searching for the escape
Embraced by the will to survive
Meandering through the shadows
Falling hard on the floor
Nocturnal voyage beyond sleep
Cannot find the way back home
Not sure if you want to return
Unless you find that which you are searching
Scattered across the icy highway
The fragmented remains of loss
As you curse the path that brought you here
Even then wishing to push forward
Trying to find some semblance of peace
Connected with the horizon
At one with the landscape
Far from your bed

Interwoven With The Midnight Sun

Fragmented patterns upon the shore
A cold and wintry night we endure
Isolation compounded by darkness
Your heart expands beyond our limits
Is it hope entwined with the stillness
A renegade let loose in your gaze
The seductive innocence you employ
Tempered by your spirit and youthful grace
A gift of the shining nocturnal moment
Interwoven with the midnight sun
For to capture your new beauty
Would crash stars beyond the spectrum
Let the angels feed your glory
As you walk among the crowd
Never realizing any infernal doubt
I see you in your pure sensation
Shredding your soul for me to see
There is a momentary silence
All thoughts are degraded
To find a final debauchery
Emoting from your eyes
A cascading sensuality
There is a silence that I am seeking
That I only feel before the dawn
When the madness is only approaching
The world is held at bay a short time
If I take you on a journey
Let us make it last through the night
Then I will know

We Only Have To Look At The Crimson Sky

Taking a journey by night
Exploring the darkness of the edge
Not taking random experience to heart
All part of a savage ride
You search for what is yours
On a mission of your own will
I saw you clinging to the rail
Expressing your deepest hopes
The shadow of your eyes
Understanding all you need to know
I have seen into your world
When it appeared so far away
These times have not come between us now
We only have to look at the crimson sky
That brings another round of sleep
While we pursue all of our dreams
Scrambling on the ground
You wonder what it means
Doing what you need to survive
To see the rest of the day
Everything you feel is a memory
Unfolding in my mind
I do not care about the past
As long as you know me
These traces on the ground
Are memorized in our absence
You are one with the horizon
No new escape can free me from your arms
We walk into the dawn

Dissolute

Covering your tracks in the rain
No way to unburden your soul
After living such rancid dreams
Desire has quickened its pace
Searching the darkest abyss
For the remnants of Babylon
Diseased among the refugees
The smell of rotting flesh
Betraying the beauty of youth
An image from the past
Fuels the fires of passion
The rest is left dissolute
Mired in what we can feel
And if this is our last sunset
I do not want to die
Out in the street
Immersed in such tragedies of earth
Take me back to our special place
Nestled among the foothills
Where we made love
Watched by the fading rays of the sun
Red, gold and lavender
They cannot steal these dreams
That are hidden in my heart
Living in the shadow of memory
As we face the future
The horizon appears wide open
Our trajectories more certain
Aimed at the rising sun

Altered States

Ever watch the sunset
Feel all the light and energy go down
The darkness engulfs us
Time to go on the prowl
A faint breeze in the night
Awakens life
The boulevard is a river
I am lost in its currents
Pushing me to the nocturnal edge
Between right and wrong
An eternal shade of grey
I see the fragile glory in your eyes
Altered states have taken over
Another part of my mind
It could all be
Just a fading dream
Without the power
To last until the dawn
Never so easy to contain the fire
It has overwhelmed us all along
Soon we try to find it
Before it is all gone
Shadows from the past
Losing their shape
Distorting our senses
About what the future has in store
Talk of how painful it is
To leave it all behind
It is all in pieces

Rose Red Blood

Rose red blood
Dripping from your wounds
Your words as common things
To be tossed about aimlessly
Curious insight into the sublime and the mundane
Total access
Pure naked ambition of ascent
To enjoy a perch from which to witness
The horrors of Babylon
Could you possibly be amused
By the violence and pain
Or does it add to your rancor
Which you claim is tempered by piety and insecurity
There is a devil inside of you
That would cause Satan concern
Staring into your eyes I see the demon
Luring the world with sadness
Only to pounce on an unsuspecting populace
That have fallen in love with the game
We exist as two counterpoint melodies
One piercing and shrieking and shrill
The other dark, soft and somber
Sometimes perhaps we can trade our parts
When we tire of our predicted roles

Art Incarnate

Savage heart
Trailing through a valley of knives
Westward ho!
The matador has felt the horns
The climax has abated
Drenched in the blood of our ancestors
I felt the last pangs of truth
Smothered in your breasts
Our hearts lost in a dark jungle
Reminiscent of a tender and fateful journey
I found you at last
I rejoiced to the stars and the moon
Our tongues entwined
Your embrace crushed my bones
You are art incarnate
Tempered by the rational
I wish I could strip you of all reason
And burrow my way into your heart
The sun radiated from your face
The ripped undershirt you wore ensnared me
A walk through the brush I cajoled
Your lips touched mine
And all was changed
For profit or pleasure
I saw the anger and the love
Sometimes I think the two are the same
Did I look dejected dragging on a cigarette?
Show me the trail of dirt
Through the foliage
To a place you once called home

Broken Glass

Broken glass cuts your image
Slices the photograph of your soul
The grainy landscape of your spirit
Captured in black and white

Shades of grey engulfing everything
Obliterate all color
There's all and none
Even blood stains have lost distinction

Your eyes keep staring past the fractures
Blue or green it is hard to tell
Dead eyes leave us haunted
Wondering about all they saw

New glass might fix you for a while
But it can always break again

Rusting In The Rain

As if there is no other option
The life of one has to be chained to another
There is no need for sensitivity
In a world where we are on our own
Let the blood flow as an endless river
Strangling the memories of the past
Worthless residue of our experience
Meaningless pain in the night
If it all amounts to nothing
The world will continue regardless
Dreams festering in our souls
Awaiting the superficial recognition
Abandon all hope ye who enter here
Acclaim is never enough
It leads on as a brutal addiction
Thirst for exploitation
Eclipsing all else
Marching under the banners of ego
Falling under the sword of debauchery
Immediacy is the goal
Satisfy the carnal urges
Break the shackles of idealism
Endure the pain and suffering of existence
Standing in line
Waiting your turn
As if we are tools in the shed
Taken out and used
Only to be left
Rusting in the rain

Until They See You Bleed

Deny the truth
No one knows what you feel
Until they see you bleed
Red spills out
All over the room
Seeing the hurt in someone's eyes
Awash in tears and pain
A moment set in time
Indelible
Shrouded in the softness of night
Tempted by the gates of hell
So little time
Yet so much manipulation
Dangle the meat
And expect
Connections through the years
Fragile as a dream
You appear before me
Receding against the wall
I see no judgment in your gaze
Rebel stance
As you are spreading your soft thighs
Ancient awakenings
You do not want to break
Anyone who has a heart
But you think of the past
Before the forbidden
When we awoke in each other's arms
And the sun shone on our skin

I Don't See The Point Of Grieving

There is nothing here that I am saying
Why don't we take these words and pretend we are praying
I get up in the morning ready to live my lie
Looking into your eyes I see nothing
Destitute alibis feeding off of our dead idols
The word love is damned forever a mindless sham
We have our endless fun devoid of meaning
Leave all of our brothers in arms screaming
I thought there was something left for me
Besides a charlatan con feeling taking over
I don't see the point of grieving over these restless dreams
Aren't you tired of playing this game
I know I am
What the hell is happening to me and my sisters
Take these premeditated hopes and give them another try
I am here losing the remnants of hope
Killing the dream
All I wanted was a clear chance
Masturbation is a dance devoid of romance
Except between me and my soul
Take a fleeting passion between you and me
Try to make sense of the feeling of the sacrilegious night
Make everything a transaction that cannot let us be
I see momentary peace for you
Countries struggle for anarchy
We touch each other's hands
Take a moment in time
Maintain all the poses
In a sweet never ending rhyme

Inside Your Heart

You can tell all your friends
About the summer wind
Because when all that matters wanes
There will be nothing left
To take the place
Of a thousand nights with you
I have in my hands
All I will remember from this life
Those dreams will now begin
To take shape in my mind
After all of this ends
We have the rest of our lives
To see what will never erase the pain
You take what I give
Use it as you can
All these years will remain
A distant memory
We must all start again
To live our destiny
Next time I know
I will never live in the past
Those days are over my friend
The truth has been expressed
I can see it from your hand
What others cannot say
You have written for the world
They will believe
You felt all this before
Inside your heart where few could ever know

You Said It Looked Romantic

I saw the shafts of light
streaming across the dirty rug
The shadow of a bird in flight
soaring across the carpet

You said it looked romantic
If it were not for
The pain in your legs
And lower back

You saw me standing in the light
of a single bulb
One night when it was still
Except for the passing cars

You said it looked romantic
But you were tired after work
And what do photos prove
To the uninitiated

One day the building was torn down
And replaced by a parking lot
But driving down that street
Made me remember and feel

Playfully Cruel

Sailing towards the final shore
was it worth it
the life you led
to die after your last journey

I think you would say yes
because you really lived
any other life
would have been a living death

You did what you had to do
to get from here to there
sometimes rather stealthily
sometimes playfully cruel

Using your sex and your mind
to further you along
You lived
Until you died

And everybody dies
but at least you had the time
to taste the sweet and bitter
before your eyes closed

Did he still want you
in his heart
when you lied down
and breathed your last

8

The dawn was changing
Everything that we said
When the night was calling
And the sky was burning red
I will find the answer
Though I know not where
Through a mass reaction
The people become aware

The Color Of Dreams

Soft gold light embracing
A world away from here
Try to hold on to the feeling
Eclipsed by reality encroaching
Flowers of doom blossoming
Dreaming in the softness of you
The eventual rainy wetness
Leading to a stormy night
Of passionate tracing
Could it be the color of dreams
A rainbow of seduction
Hot and heavy nights between us
A sudden feeling entrapped
You showed me your vulnerability
Soft flesh of color
Transcendent beauty in your eyes
In a dark studio
With the drapes drawn
I escaped everything dead
There was a lifetime to be found
In the rays of sunlight
Touching the sordid carpeted ground
I lived eternities there my friend
Cemented off a city street
Discreet
The greasy food congealed in my veins
As if a warrant had been taken out for
Yesterday and the shambles of the
Darkest muse had responded
To take the past under arrest and
Liberate my dreams

To Get Me Through The Morning

Fade to white
Accross the city
I miss the night
Take these ravaged apostles
In their sullen beds
Who is the trick now baby
Are you still breathing
I hope you will be fine
Let us not drive to the desert
Stand and walk on the street
I feel a strange sense of relief
But I was ready to do the deed
The sunlight shining on my windshield
Death would not be yours
Sanctified in the morning light
It's the pain in your heart
That will tear us apart
A rare form of communion
Inheriting the dawn
Striking in its appearance
Standing apart from solitude
With a patient madness
In your eyes
Who gave you all the options
Or maybe you don't know
What to do
All I have is your image
And a few of your words
To get me through the morning

Reckless Remembrance

Sunset is fragile in its glory
The lights are intense
As the darkness descends
Impossible to grasp the moment
It feels as if it slips
through my hands
This is something I could not have planned
Forever basking in your presence
Something soon will turn out the lights
Putting it all beyond my reach
Struggling in the blindness
That becomes night
Random in the twilight
Cursing under breath
Because I have the memories
Stockpiled in my eyes
Destiny detained us
Savagely at first
Lost in a sea of sensation
Where one could drown of thirst
Prolific angels smiled upon me
Trying to find my way
At least those days were constructive
The memories seem productive
Angles shield what is worse
Ambition torn from substance
The way you looked at me once
Buried in the past
Mountains of time gone by
Reckless remembrance

When The Passion Dies

The muses inspire from above
Pythia is intoxicated below

The Oracle of Delphi is disrobed
Oracles were killed for having sex

The slopes of Mount Parnassus
Washed in blood

Apollo has slain the dragon
Paganism rising

When the passion dies
You will feel it

From behind the barrier
The questions are asked

She gives the answers
With finality and grace

Or with a loud and vicious voice
From one who is not at peace

Sometimes her body shudders
Be it from prophecy or passion

Leaving her spirit restless
And her heart in ashes

Pictures Of An Angel

I see the buckles on your boots
wild and unrestrained
A taste of freedom is so good
even though clouded by the past
The streets seem serene tonight
with animals unleashed
Pictures of an angel
and I don't want to look
Because the beauty is transcendent
burning all the looks
I see the hope in their eyes
drowning in the sea
Pretty buckles flashing in the light
it's a symphony of sound
The dreams look like assassins
wearing black coats
Fall on the pavement
scratching your hands
Crossing that fabled street
you let go of my hand
I feel the look in your eyes
watching over me
Your name means the sea
as it comes crashing down
Falling all over me
the street lights are unbound
The night is yours
completely

Arena Of Lust

I hear those words
I want to stamp them out
Shred the lies
until there is no doubt
Love is a word
that remains in flames
Spinning around
in all of our games

Tragedy
won't get us too far

Drowning in the water
of pagan romanticism

Slice up the veins
that lead to our hearts

Push each other
until there is no way out

We stand staring
into each other's eyes

There is nothing left
of those outrageous lies

Take me down
before we both break

Heart In Exile

Faded dreams
reigniting passion
Wanderlust
beginning to take hold
To battle melancholy
with sudden joy
Jagged journey
towards the limits
I feel you here
surrounding me intensely
Purity of purpose
becomes overwhelming
As stars collide
and drift apart
Trying to help each other
sort through the vapors
Skin is velvet
smooth to the touch
Enslaving visions
permeate the past
I remember the soft darkness
alcohol and smoke
The smile
full of life and wisdom
Dive into the slumber
that is the night
A rapid rendezvous
that lives on

Fast Forward To A Kiss

Wondering what it is like to die
to walk that ancient shoreline
wrapped up in mystery
the final illusion

To feel at peace with the unknown
a certain kind of homecoming
an illicit existence
one at odds with the world

Remembering the strange thoughts of youth
a mix of immortality and the inevitable
imbibing on the drunken pastures of hope
reflections on thoughts of self destruction

A decision against death
at a very early age
though to contemplate it then
was bizarre

Fast forward to a kiss
our foreheads touched
she was wearing sunglasses
our tongues entwined like snakes

After the sunset
she sat on my lap
and kissed me
after dinner

I Smashed Those Days Of Innocence

Dust infected memories
But there was a time
In the summer heat
When your tongue filled my mouth

Shape intersected vanities
A million heartbeats
Synthesized into one
By the smoothness of your caress

I did not believe in angels
Until I flew on your wings
And the rancid city did not matter
It was only concrete beneath my boots

I smashed those days of innocence
Destroyed a dozen dreams
As youth ripened into life
Trying not to believe the lies

The softness of paradise
Under her careful gaze
Remnants of a lost addiction
Beginning to take hold

Ignore judgment
Throw it all to the wind
As the moment cascades around us
With eternal finality

The Barriers Did Not Exist

Touched by madness
a distant memory
of shiny nights
and colored days

Recognition
in the first smile
leading to passion
like a speeding train

The softness envelopes me
coaxing into a human passage
all that remains
of the warm night

To be so loaded
by witnessing this jewel
immortalized
in a languid pose

The barriers
did not exist
and could not restrain
all natural instinct

Infernal succubus
dragging me deep
into the pit
of desire

Resembling First Words

Fill my emptiness with your presence
pushes me through the day
waiting for the sign of dusk
closes down my mind

Cloak ourselves in the darkness
watches while others sleep
taking some needed medicine
heals the deepest wound

Destroy the thoughts of innocence
falls down in the street
enduring all the punishment
drives the passionate rage

Harvest what is left of your soul
kicks into a new day
praying for the sign of night
closes down my heart

Read my thoughts in the past
knows what is in my mind
living on the edge of a new life
shakes my hand goodbye

Kiss my mouth with yours
slips along my body
existing in the physical universe
evolves in all mystery

The Human Sonnet

Devoid of malice in her eyes
Regal in definition
A smoothness so pure
The will is good
And the heart transcendent
Time and space fall away
Leaving something here
Eternal
How can you be so kind?
A vision from my darkest fantasies
Goodness
But I am beyond benediction
A slave to my own desires
Human

An Apostle Of Night

Take me to the darkest corner
the scruffiest visions
and the most exotic smells
wafting from who knows where

When I've had too much
take me outside
blow smoke in my face
and sit me on a patio

Where I can stare at the stars
and at old buildings
and imagine a ghost
drifting down the stairs

Let the rain fall on Babylon
and all of its inhabitants
dressed in black
products of meat and liquor

Breathing the cool air
walking step after step
towards an infinite destiny
wrapped in a bloody tourniquet

Someone shouts out of joy
down the street
Someone shouts out of anger
around the corner

Memories And Reasons

Dazzle me tonight
With the sound of your voice
The light in your eyes
The beauty of your face

The coldness of forever
Separates us now
The memory is a dream
That I let slip away

I have another mistress
One I can never touch
She only comes to visit
When I’m exposed to the world

Choices were made
Many years ago
Sacrificed love
Looking for diamonds in the ashes

They built a city in the desert
Looking for paradise
Thousands flocked to the temple
Willing to pay any price

Secrets Of Love

The time was set under the sky
did you perhaps know secrets of love
barely uttered methods of persuasion
techniques of interrogation

I will find the answers
in the folds of your clothes
riding the grass
piercing my heart

Does the sun reveal truth
that I would rather not see
but I have my memories
shafts of light revealing beauty

The darkness comes
like waves from the ocean
wind
fended off

We enter the palace
as the court is seated
receiving inspiration
from the notable one

When all is done
nothing is left
but shimmering traces
of peace

Beauty In The Ruins

The blackness
infernal emptiness
captures your soul
drags you down to despair

Do you really need to suffer here
or is it your brain
betraying you
blocking out reason

Damn the spirit that grieves
it serves no useful purpose
taking us on an illicit voyage
cutting our throats at sunrise

Your tears ought to be illegal
drenching the moonlight
destroying all vision
decaying the dream

Sabotage destiny
until faith is shattered
and I witness
beauty in the ruins

La femme formidable

In the darkness
looking at me
as if you were
a cat of Baudelaire

The secrets bore me
as does the structure of society
so predictable
so hungry in the night

Everyone is pretending
I don't give a damn
fuel the red sun
into what they call debauchery

I lifted the sheet
and marvelled
at the perfect naked beauty
beneath

No one wants to hear
about the pain
It has nothing to do
with the face of society

The blood can flow
and everyone seems happy
No one speaks the truth
for it has no value

Give It A Title

The blood dripping from the wound
Heralding the end of pacifism
Crying out in scarlet agony
Sobbing in the dirt

Torn from the comfort of her arms
Shackled to the new reality
Of kill or be killed
Trauma of conflict

Life seems tangible yet fleeting
The smell of fresh death
Seeping into the nostrils
Like a powerful curse

The nightmare so real
That it seems a dream
Involuntary convulsions
Beating out a new path

The image will crack
To reveal the truth
Lust of reprisal
Changing our view

We feel the human failure
And learn from doubt
The flesh continues
Onward

Seven Deadly Sins

Lust
wells up inside of us
A force that can not be tamed
as we risk health and reputation
to satisfy our carnal desires
Throwing money and time after flesh
The soft animal instinct in her eyes
swaying our resolve
Oblivion of sensation
keeping us in bondage
I am a refugee
between her thighs
The will is gone
my beast has emerged

Pride
Most of us would not admit our scars
we make a point of covering our wounds
There is an image
we want the world to see
Our emotions are kept imprisoned
deep in our hearts
We are at a distance
no one wants to take the first step
to be released from the shackles
I throw away common sense
standing naked before you
Assassinate the fear
move on

Greed
Coming down on us
as an insatiable hunger
It itself will gnaw at our insides
devouring us from within
More more more
is the battle cry
Leading us to heaven and hell
it is never enough
We are possessed
I grab it with both hands
until my skin bleeds
The want is endless
as the sunset illuminates the city

Envy
She is the curse that withers us
the beautiful gem that leads us nowhere
The focus is on another
as we watch ourselves die
Our spirit is diminished
as this poison infects us
This fantasy is out of reach
because it does not exist
it does not live and breathe
I caress the remnants of the illusion
and put it to rest
The dream is gone
until it is found within

Gluttony
To consume without end
the maximum of carnage
The intake that cripples
and subdues
To sicken ourselves
while trying to fill the empty space
that can never be satisfied
The ultimate act of the physical world
to become one with the material
I feel it inside
as it weighs me down
The hunger is alive
even as it destroys

Sloth
The numbing descent into idleness
slowly driving us into a trance
It becomes too much effort
to rise from a prone position
We would rather slide to the ground
and become one with the earth
The energy is gone
as we slowly drift away
embracing the void
I want to let go
rotting in the dirt
Even the dreams slow down
as the abyss widens

Anger
Rising up in our chests
seething in our minds
The cause is inexplicable
frustration is universal
Emotions congealing into ash and dust
leading us down an uncertain path
The control is lost
as we go spinning beyond hope
beyond reason
I felt the rage
bending the light
The madness leads to blindness
and a new kind of horror

There Must Be Ways To Find Hell

Did you ever have something so good
you thought that was it?
No matter what tricks someone
showed you
you thought that was it
So what do I care?
people form their judgments
in record time
Love as a strategy
feelings are chess pieces
engaged in warfare
We can only blame ourselves
So I guess we didn't care
in the first place

Not to be detached
Existing despite the cold wind
Irrevocable
Fused
unable to slip away
down the winding path
Head to head
encircling each other
without rules
Focused and faithful
beyond the social tyranny
eyes grasping boldly
as if to touch each other
Speechless

Transfixed
Sudden disarray of thought
Let me guide you
out of your fading melancholy
and down the streets of restlessness
Let us be reckless
pushing against the constraints
ignoring the shackles of illusion
Take a taste
feel the red stain
your smile is rouge
tempting the senses
Drag it out of me why don't you?
the way I drag it out of you

Try to identify my lie
it is mixed with the truth
as if from a demon
None of us are sheltered from sin
it makes us human
I can see the fire in you
and feel the heat
Take me by the hand
guide me to the flame
the pain blends with pleasure
You feel their sorrow
but do what you must
Take these open wounds
Suck the life out of them

You are out there
languid in the darkness
striking in the moonlight
Open the gates of remembrance
witness the infliction of scars
reach for the beauty
When I have a rare unselfish moment
sometimes I wish you had an easier life
The talons of the bird of prey
are exposed
Ripping into nubile flesh
making love with the willing
Surrendering the last vision
in a desperate dream

The stillness is dark and inviting
flesh is soft
hair is lush
The taste of vomit as we kiss
does not dissuade me
What are we without language
but animals of instinct
I found my way to the altar
meeting no resistance
Experiencing irresistible pleasures
drowning in desire
youth unleashed
I would have sold my soul
for five minutes more

Devotion
does the night really burn?
Or is it only your eyes
lighting the fire in my intestines
Are you advocating the murder of my dream?
take a few steps back
think about it once more
We all passed into this world
making our way beyond the thighs
The crisp cool night air
brings me back into focus
A focus that I preserve
only for you
Because I would rather be blurred

The sound tears through the night sky
but I am left unmoved
Pummel the air with ferocity
I am unmoved
Give me a reason
let her bleed if she must
There is something fragile
in her breath
that is vindicated in her spirit
Your blood flows through my veins
an ancient mystery is your soul
City in the desert
unlock your fury
let it wash over us

The savagery was expressed
it was a red beacon in the harbor
lighting up the night sky
with feelings of wrath
as two ships passed in the water
barely colliding
scraping each others' bows
It was time to pull each other up
from the choppy waves
Shelter each other
from discontent
The world was deranged enough
there was no need
to add to the disorder

Longing For The Embers

If I could capture the night, I would
But I can't
To go back and dive into the darkness
would be a strange joy
To seize the moments of waste
and transform them into vibrant substance
Maybe it was as it had to be
The secrets locked away
Dreams break through the night
Taunting me
directing me down paths of futility
Able to touch only so much
I can see the faces
the words coming earnestly
Grasping traces
the fires fading away
longing for the embers
The numbness now engulfs us
memories betray us
becoming a sideshow of desire
I want to reach out and grab hold
keep it close to me
without getting burned

Discipline

Discipline your ass
until the foul things
that come from your mouth
come no more
Drown you in a tub
Rip your tongue from your body
And put in a jar
the bodily organs that offend me
Christ do you want to see me
naked in a room
with linen strips
tied to my bloody fingers
Whip the soft white skin
of her back for her crimes
She died a virgin
is that the greatest tragedy
that sheds the most tears
In the end
he swallowed the cross
stared at the ceiling
took his last breath
and died

A Trick Of The Mind

I see the parameters
The boundaries few dare to escape
What are they afraid of?
When push comes to shove
All see the truth
The scars you bear
Do not diminish
Your beauty
They are a trick of the mind
An illusion between me and you
You stand on the precipice
With a confidence
Like a cat
Waiting to pounce on your prey

Majesty Is Frozen In Time

Alright
Let me get this straight
We gave up
And we are feeling ice
Majesty is frozen in time
The day breaks
Workers rise with the sun
They are wearing grey
I remember
Another time
Fragile and displaced
A time lacking in fear
You put on your badass boots
Kicking through the night

Burning All The Jewels

Society is smirking
Getting what it needs
Pretending to be something
Beyond the air it breathes

Everyone is valued
Everyone perceived
To be so very holy
Down on their knees

I look into her eyes
I look into her face
I see the primal reason
Behind the human race

Factions are forgotten
We are so human we can bleed
We try not to think about it
Where will thinking lead

A society controlled
Masking all the molds
People want what they want
The rest left in the cold

Everyone knows the rules
Playing all the fools
Your hair smells like a forest fire
Burning all the jewels

The Most Important Lies

The past is all around me
Inspiration and curse
At the time parts of it seemed
Unbearable
Parts of it
Triumphant
The past is a road that has been laid
A pathway into the future
We draw our strength from yesterday
Lessons have been learned
Hearts are still beating
The future seems easier than before
Since so much of it has elapsed
Into the past
The present is more centered
The Now more defined
Life is a fever
That breaks at a certain point
But the fire remains
Smoldering inside
Burning unexpected tangents
Our life force more focused
As long as we can be honest
And try to shake away
The most important lies
That cover who we are
And what we want
From the world
From ourselves

Dedicated to Rimbaud. He is 151 in age and in proof.

You Stand In The Light Of My Dreams

These times they are phantoms
To what came before
I felt a surge of fallen shining beauty
Like nothing that I had ever seen
You stand in the light
Of my dreams
You always wanted something beyond
What the world could ever show
Will we live life in the shadows
In the empty halls without doors
You do not want to speak of love
Let it be all put to bed
Those thoughts left in my heart
Where they can do no harm
I'm just a stranger
Who is passing by
What are we
But people passing by tonight
I thought I saw something in your eyes
A flicker of recognition and hope
Of a feeling felt long ago
I remember your tears
When you heard my words
That summer burned the sweat into our skins
Holding your face in my hands
The beauty one man understands
These times are traitors
To what we know inside
The end of all your pretty plans

Pain

Is the pain gone
It felt as if it would never go away
A living reminder of past misadventures
Throbbing and twisting beneath the skin

Emotional pain can be just as bad
Smashing us hard in our chests
Pushing down on our faces
Making us somber and despondent

The darkness makes us sink
Be it from karma or chance
Drowning us in the abyss
Of brooding exile

We seem distant and removed
Taciturn and withdrawn
Flying on fractured wings
Broken blood vessels and ruptured tissue

Our hearts are wounded yet will not scab
The emotional weight felt with every step
Isolation in a crowd
Obscuring our vision

Without pain we would not know pleasure
A dichotomy of madness
Trapped in an illusory cycle
Until what end

The Revolution Begins In The Heart

Tear down these walls
that keep us afraid and alone
The solitude bears down on us
like a runaway train
Ripping us limb from limb
Leaving us bloody on the tracks
Crouching in the shadows
watching the feelings drift
witnessing a muted soul
The revolution begins in the heart
and feels its way into the mind
Do you ever feel the need
to shred the torn curtain
to break apart the iceberg
between us
Passion can not be bottled
it exists as fire in the wind
Take these fated fantasies
and let them rest in peace
Fragmented in the past
sleeping in the darkness
blooming in the moonlight
Beauty has the power
I can not say if that is right
but it is in the eye of the beholder
Even though society
judges our every step
Tear down these walls
that keep us apart and without

Fire

Fire
in your hair
Contemplating your lithesome gait
and the independence of your spirit

I see mercy in your eyes
Recognition in your stare
Time and space lose meaning
when you are near me

You can not be constrained
fences are anathema to your existence
You must run free
marking many miles

Honesty engulfs your soul
You wander far and wide
bringing grace and wisdom
along for the ride

The adventure begins
Energies collide at the crossroads
Have I met the stunning vagabond
of my dreams

Unique sister
you follow your own path
and I follow mine
We always meet at the nexus

These Strains

These strains have catapulted me
beyond where I was before
A cosmic tumble in the night sky
I can finally see somewhat
beyond the pain
How much tribute do you need
Your desire is as endless
as the pathways of the stars
The bruises have more or less healed
leaving a twinge of remembrance
We are parallel to infinity
wandering through a neon sky
Peace is within
You demand my very soul
but give riches in return
Old wounds grab us by the neck
and drag us along
until they finally let go
as if to surprise us
Is everyone ready for round two
The flagrant scars of yesterday
have turned to faded scarlet
The shadow of pain remains
as a reminder of the misadventures
of the past
Those misadventures being some of my
greatest memories
fabled storied nights from the past
coursing through my veins

Beauty In A Word

I lost a piece of the sun
That is drifting away from me
Filling me with anger and sadness
The memories rise in my throat

Beauty in a word
Enveloping me
The kindness of love
Contrasting with a world of brutality

The intimacy has been murdered
Quickly and cleanly
Without wiping the blood from the blade
Distance

Truth always getting in the way
Impeding progress
Afraid to lie naked
Beyond the lies

A time to be satisfied approaches
Pressing through the clouds
That eclipse the light
And keep me from what is mine

The Lost Moments

I can not remember
The exact nature of the past
In retrospect vision is blurry
History is lost
Sequences of events are blocked out
Any given night can be blacker than black
As it is blacked out
Only a few rays of light
Penetrate the void
Offering little comfort
And no solace
The time is missing only to memory
Because I was there
I lived the lost legacy
The wheels of experience were rolling
But someone forgot to take notes
Reality has slipped into another dimension
The real is still real
Only somewhere else
Curiosity drives me to attempt to recollect
Certain moments are recalled
But the process is very slow
And only so much can be remembered
Memory seems of little importance
Except that if we forget our mistakes
We are doomed to repeat them
Sometimes I feel doomed
To repeat a past
That has me by the throat

Only Thoughts And Feelings

I want to go deep inside
To find out what I need to do
Deep inside me deep inside you
To feel your inner flesh
In an attempt to reveal your soul
Our bodies entwined is familiar ground
Sex is a battlefield
A trusted friend
Reaching out
We threw our bodies against each other
You smiled and I saw the sun
Dancing in your eyes
Reflected in your stride
Life became more difficult
Because I made it so
The answer was in the palm of my hand
My fist was clenched obstructing truth
I blamed the world
When it was my doing
I let it all go
Start fresh
Look at us now
If we knew the future back then
We would have screamed
It does not seem to matter now
We are diving deep down
Where there is no light
Only thoughts and feelings
Struggling in the dark

Perceptions: The Winds Of Time

The winds of time
Changing forever what we will know
To be true
In our hearts

Cataclysm of humanity
Stretching the earth
And existence
To fit our perceptions

The dark clouds
Dictate our perceptions
We are ruled by our fears
Pushing us onward

We strangle ourselves
Make martyrs of our kin
In the struggle to survive
To postpone death

Searching for magic
For the carnival con
Seeking security
At any price

Afraid of the work
That needs to be done
Afraid of the effort
Required to change

Alternative Sonnet

In the darkest alleys
there is beauty
And in the brightest rooms
there is hate

You can find someone
lying in the street
Masking the pain
saying something more profound

Than the cleanest one
whose filth is hidden
Bubbling inside
like a wretched cauldron

It is a world of difference
Shrouded in perspective

A Time For Destruction

Complacency had taken its hold
Like the roots of a tree
Binding it to the ground
It was time for the roots
To burst through the pavement
To destroy what man had set
As an artificial covering
Over all that was natural
Asphalt and concrete
Could only hold out for so long
Against a quiet but steady pressure
That was ready to push through
Until all that was restraining it
Would eventually slip away
Once the process was completed
It would be as if the past
Had never existed
And the future was taken for granted
Until the process
Would need to begin again

Bloody Drag Marks Into The Past

The annihilation of style
To destroy all rules and restrictions
Is to free the spirit
Then one has to honestly confront
Life
No task is more difficult
Perhaps we should swear on the dictionary
Not the Bible
If our words are to have any sacred meaning
Shed all literary pretension
As a stripper discards her clothes
I find it hard to breathe when you breathe
I am suffocating half the time
Making my own way
Perhaps it is my own fault
But there was only so much I could take
Bloody drag marks into the past
Remembrance of our bodies entwined
Bright red against my hands
I can not remember paradise
It retreats into the shadows
Let us drink red wine in the open air
Love will stumble and fall
As we search the darkness
Your smile is the light
Your eyes are my heart
You are the muse that motivates my soul
I give thanks for your blessings
And carry on

The Heat Leads To Dusk

The dirtiest streets
in the world
But I'm in love
People huddled together
in cramped buses
Going to who knows where
I don't care
Empty buildings
condemned
with holes in the roof and ceiling
Lie on your back
in your squatter's paradise
under a city lit night sky
Lesbians kissing on a street corner
on a windy afternoon
Wander the endless maze
encounter the familiar
and the strange
The rain doesn't bother me
neither does a scorched day
The heat leads to dusk
and I am ready

Untitled And Proud Of It

I was selfish
And probably still am
The sun rose with your smile
Turning the dreams of the night
Into reality
I would not give up a minute
Of that reality for anything
Feelings that strong do not die
They are dealt with forever
I stand naked at the precipice
Letting the truth judge me
My life is circling behind me
Making me face my choices
Fate and destiny closing in quickly
Showing me my path
Sucking me in
I know my place
I accept what has been placed
On my shoulders
The city pulsates with life
Dragging me into the streets
The brooding blood of my corpse
Made into sport
The blood of the poet is splattered
Against the darkened buildings
Only to be wiped clean the next morning
As if nothing has happened

A Pack Of Wild Dogs

Surrounded by possessions
Reminding me of the transient nature of life
Can I really let go
Let the ripples of impact slowly subside
I have no choice
Death breathing down my neck
From a distance
Life surrounds me
Pulsating and soft
Angular and smooth
The ecstasy of dawn
Form rivaling perfection
I can not believe my eyes
How sad that the day must end
Does the beauty of sunset rival the beauty of youth
Can I reconcile the two
Or am I forever trapped in the middle
I struggle for an answer
Perhaps I will know when I stop struggling
And take life for what it is
A mystery that helps us learn
Sensation traps me too
I want more
Or maybe that is the problem
It might be better if a pack of wild dogs
Rip these thoughts to pieces
The blood is almost menstrual
Women pushing me towards the ledge
That I need to leap from without reason

Pride

The bond is still there
Maybe you know best
Calling the shots
Or is it me
Deciding how we play this game
Will insanity result from this logic
It takes two to tango
This dance is killing us
Liberating us
He gave me music
He gave me you
I am thankful
At the beginning we said it was a long process
You are at the nexus
I would want it no other way
Let us search for a path of unity
I think you know the way
Show me our direction
Trample our fiery doubts into oblivion
At times the pain is but a shadow
Compared to the joy you have given me
You rose from depression like a phoenix
Shattering the walls of hopelessness
The colors are brighter in the sunlight of your smile
Your wheels are burning through my soul
Help me find the answer to my destiny
I have a feeling you might know
What art and love have forged together
Is smoldering in your pride

More Pain Than Most Would Want To Know

If beauty could be understood
Its mysteries would cease to fascinate
There is a time and place for communion
I thought I was a ship lost at sea
The physical world started to elude me
I started delving into your spirit
Where I found lush gardens
Of love and virtue
The vision almost eclipsed your physical beauty
Your heart is as sublime as your smile
I did not think you cared about me any longer
Not seeing the forest for the trees
I could not see your feelings for my selfishness
It seems ridiculous now
When the blind can see
It seems simple
Open your eyes and behold
Joyous wonders
The softness of body and soul
Forever entwined
I thought the ties that bind were slashed
They have bound us all along
I am home
And always have been
I will journey into the inner mind
To find peace
But the journey will encompass pain
More pain than most would want to know
In this world

The Same Streets...The Same Games

I guess we walked
the same streets
I wonder if they were
much different then
Probably not
Driving around here
hasn't changed much
either
But it's only been
five years
It keeps getting more
crowded
That's all
People don't change
that much
They play the same
games
Win or lose
do I
care
Does it bother
me

Dedicated to Bukowski.

Rimbaud Is One Hundred Fifty

Rimbaud is one hundred fifty
And spent his Season in Hell with Verlaine
I spent mine with you
Did we learn enough from each other
Or is it time for another round
Trade absinthe for vodka
And I am ready
The scarlet sunset of my mind
Is a lie
I am facing a new dawn
The earth bows at your boots
Allowing you to walk
The way Christ walked on water
You are beauty incarnate
Art is your slave
How did beauty permeate your soul
Why does your heart shine as brightly as your face
I have moved from the darkness to the fire
There is a time to pay homage to a goddess
Without shame
There is balance in your gaze
I trust you
Your judgement is sincere
I am exploring the pathways to your heart
And I want to learn
The word love is overused
Give me heartbeat
Give me life
I will give you all I have in my soul

The Dark Well

The dark well
Searching for the lights of sanity
The flashes of truth and beauty
That bring hope

Tailspin of memory
Remembering what was lost
Or left behind
Out of necessity

Calmly grasping the rational
After the emotional has withdrawn
The pagan beauty of freedom
Shining from the abyss

Fortified by fear
Propagated by passion

Sad Eyed Pisces In A Flannel Shirt: Remembering Jack Kerouac

He was at the end
of the bar
Sad eyed Pisces
in a flannel shirt
So drunk
that we had to take him
physically
back across the bay
and to bed
When I first arrived
I did not know
he was the man I was meeting
until you arrived
and pointed him out
He seemed so quiet
at the end
of the bar
I was slightly startled
that he was the one
who drew us here tonight
and that I would have to carry him out
into the night

You Can Haunt Me

You can haunt me
in my dreams
but you can't stop
me
from living the life
I'm living now
I see the angry looks
and the empty rooms
trying to stare me
down
But I'm flying
over the city
And you can't
stop me or the things
I see
We thought we knew
something about love
what did we know
Give me two shots
in a glass
and it feels
the same

A Confession To A Stranger

Sometimes a woman feels
That sex is all she has to give
A power that is turned on herself
A double edged sword

At night come tears of self-realization
A confession to a stranger
That one can not see
In the darkness

Forgiveness should be for all who need it
For the asking
And we all need it and should get it
Whether we ask for it or not

Acceptance is easier than conflict
Let people have their own truth
Everyone sees the world differently
Let them flow

We came here to learn
And sometimes the lessons are painful
As we walk upon the earth
Witnessed by the stars

The Faded Carnival

I wanted to be there
Part of it all
The strangest irony
Is that I was

Watching the faded carnival
The stumbling star
Full of strong drink
And God knows what else

It was a strange marketplace
With everyone for sale
You paid your price
And I paid mine

Now it all seems like a lost dream
Like it never took place
The pain an illusion
Death an inconvenience

Youth dies
We search for other things
All are ephemeral
Life moving on as it drifts away

Fragments remain
In the end
Memories
Of a soul

A Way Into The Darkness: No Love Poems

If that's the only thing
You told me to do
Sometimes life feels
Like a death sentence
Our hands around each others throats
In this dance
Walking down the street
With a furtive glance
No rhyme motherfucker
No free verse
No love poems
Take my heart
Into your hand
And smash it
Against the wall
Until the blood drips
And it is time to go home
He was not interested in lies
All he wanted was the truth
Stretched out before him
So that he could see the sun
He wanted to dive into the sea
The peace of the day was at hand
Do we have to kill each other
To prove survival?
I wish I could conquer existence for you
I wish I could shame the sun
Into revealing its secrets
And dying with us

A World Without Challenge

A world without challenge
Status quo strictly enforced
Freedom as a curious concept
Order must be maintained
As we travel a narrow path
The knife pressing against the jugular
Step out of line at your own risk
Money rules the day
Food in mouth
Bolt in nut
And all are satisfied
When the nut cracks, beware
When the bolt breaks, back away
Sound the alarm
Something is out of place
Change is at hand
And must be feared
And fought
Before a new current electrifies the day
Charging a fresh path

Give In To Your Darkest Temptations

Give in to your
darkest temptations
And in your midnight
hour
try to look inside
yourself
and see the things
you have to deal
with
the things you have
to wrestle with
The stars are shining
on your old wounds
making them appear
new
And those old desires
did not disappear
They are hiding in the
darkness
Waiting for you to
come and look at
them

The Sword Of Your Karma

A time to hide
And grow
There should have been a way
For you to contact me
Besides my PO Box
How would you know I still had it
I feel guilty about that
And I am sorry
I would not trade a minute
Of the time I had with you
For anything
I treasure the moments you gave me
Your heart is full of wisdom
I should have listened to you more
You always watch my back
I have no fear when I am with you
The ways you hurt me are shadows
Compared to the ways you inspired me
My life would not be the same without you
I would not be half the person I am today
There should have been more action from me
And less talk
Less ego and more spirituality
I should have had more faith in you
More belief
Because you deserved it and earned it
If I could take all the pain from your heart
I would put it upon myself
And gladly fall on the sword of your karma

Wind

Follow me
follow me down
To a twisted road
through the city
Sometimes at night
I think it's pretty here
I look around
And think about
you
What I don't see
is what happens in your
head
I'm glad you are not dead
Take your medicine
and feel better
Lately I like the
weather
We need to make time
to feel the
wind
And see it rush through your
hair

Raison d'etre

Describing heaven
Sometimes it is paradise lost
A feeling that we thought
Would never end

Underneath the bitterness
And the anger
We sometimes find
The raison d'etre

The momentary condition
That keeps you happy
For a certain amount of time
And scarless

Rats in a maze
Find the reason
For being
With the cheese

We are like rats
Struggling to survive
For something
We view as important

Madrigal Of The Inner Eye

Madrigal of the inner eye
Shining through with abundance
Farcical shuddering of youth
Infected with dubious exile

Letting go of radiant thoughts
The devil facing a starlit plain
Renegade machines cutting boldly
Separating the wheat from the chaff

Automatic starry delusion
Precipitating nocturnal adventures
Draping ourselves in mad illusion
Killing the inner sun

Faces awash in lavender and crimson
Beckoning us to destroy all inhibition
Merciless attack of urban lice
Destroying all that shines

Diamond studded miscreants sulking
Stalkers of the inner mind
Following impulses downward
Meting out what must be

Accidents waiting to happen
Searching for a way out
The cold essence of warfare
Crashing around our naive ears

Justice has been blinded
The city marches in time
Smoke rising from the streets
Oedipus decapitated

Crying blood from our tear ducts
Murder in the streets
Walk with caution and presence
Forbid death driving down the door

Insatiable curiousity
Kneeling at the altar of blasphemy
Odious knowledge seeping blood stained
Contradicting natural instinct

The battle cry of revolution
Apathy executed by firing squad
Loneliness sentenced to the gas chamber
Anger eventually appeased

Falling down hard on my knees
Closely inspecting the asphalt
Ripping up my skin
This is my Easter Sunday

Resurrection of the twilight idols
Cigarette smoking charismatics
Looking for a rich kid thrill
Wandering the blackest night

Annihilation of shyness
Awkwardness convicted of petty theft
Insurmountable excitement
Hearts pounding in their chests

Molotov cocktails embracing daisies
Emerald green absinthe soaked hell
Playing without a full deck
Monopolizing the theft of time and peace

Figure skaters open a brothel
Friendship requires a contract
Miscellaneous ambidextrous madness
Stab my colon with spicy excess

Purgatory at a discount
Souls for sale cheap
Coupons for a mental institution
Raving zombies on parade

Going to a rock concert with a mugger
Uterine lining as an opening act
Facing the most boring epiphanies
Tabby cats ruling the world

Serial killers playing backgammon
Judas Iscariot dealing blackjack
Speed freaks serving prime rib
Gunsmiths eating shoe leather

Musical chairs open a pizza parlor
Beer is up for sainthood
Vodka replaces Santa Claus
Nose fetishists at the racetrack

Middle management monotheistically medicated
Charles Darwin on a cheap date
Palm trees playing parsimonious pinnacle
Savage reprisal for unwanted thoughts

Acrimonious social workers
Living on noodles and dreams
Finding money in your shoe
Pedicure salon kicked by an ostrich

Biker gang joins a convent
Sophocles arrested for molesting the Sphinx
Pollock working at a paint store
California renounces statehood

Follow me down a dusty dirt road
Dust off my boots with eyelashes
Living under a freeway overpass
Realizing you are free

Temptation to drink battery acid
The last of the hemp shirted cowboys
Anthropomorphize strawberries
Fall down a manhole

Everything fades to black
Start chewing on my lips
Turn off the T.V.
Wash away the dirt

Horns

Horns
like the devil
A hand
in the mist
Flower
without color
in the shadows
Who is that person
sitting in the twilight
between white grey and black
She is someone
who sought you out
She sacrificed for you
whom she believed in
And you believed in her
It was told
between the two of you
While sitting on the sidewalk
or at a table
And someone said
come over here
I want to know who the two of you are

Out On The Highway

We've been across Nebraska
I was thinking
of Johnny, Patti and Mike
I was looking out at those fields
thinking of how they lived
on the edge of a knife
Dylan came on the radio
was it music or was it sex
There were times when
I was thinking
to die was probably best
Out on the highway
we relied on each other then
But it seems like we could
never make the turn
on that last bend
We headed homeward
driving down the I-10
I didn't know how long
it would seem since then
I didn't know how long
I would live since then

Beyond Duplication

There is a power
I feel in you
That can not be contained
It breathes of its own volition
Rising with the sun
Seething with the moon
It lives of its own accord
We are slaves to its muse
A drama of incendiary touch
I do not want to let go
Let the originals stand
In silent moratorium
There was a time that could not be expressed
Let alone put to rest
The will was alive
The means were forming
Purity was at hand
Innocence to shock the world
A world of corruption
Society had failed
Moving forward regardless
Intellect and emotion had embraced each other
In a dance of insanity
I welcomed defeat at your hands
Surrendering with the only language I knew
Paradise was a damp room
Containing the blank sheet of possibility
Caressing the rare moment
That makes life vibrant

Your Sins Tore Me To Pieces

Your sins tore me to pieces
My sins ripped into you
If I had to do it over again
I would still pick you
Would you still pick me
To wrestle and roll in the darkness

Yesterday is like a movie
Rolling onward beyond our control
I am incapable of changing a frame
I can not rewrite a scene
It is in the can
Yesterday is a movie

My microbes flood your blood
Your blood is on my hands
In the stillness of the night
All is understood
If only I could remember
How to live in the moment

I shut my eyes and you still are there
Discovering your own voice
Projecting mercy and empathy
Putting to rest the ruthlessness of the past
Is it cool to be cold
Afraid of the soft dissonance

The Last True Moment

The last true moment
Is frozen in time
So we can look at it
In awe and wonder
Observe every angle
Every subsequent possibility
That reality can possibly offer
The excitement of fresh tangents
Heating up our blood
The danger of mad rampage
The tenderness of abandon
Choice as our opiate
Addicted to life
Unable to let go
Contemplating the nature of freedom
Fate and reality locked eye to eye
Prepared to devour each other
I know you
We are different sides of the same leaf
Existing together forever
As inseparable as one soul
Indelible
Standing apart from time
Not a moment by definition
A state of being
Bliss
Bottled and sold at market
So that they who thirst
May drink

The Wanderers

The world full of surprise
That you survived
Even as your life seems bruised
We watch as if it is a play

A savage record of dramatic chaos
Plunging us deeper into the abyss
That is but a chamber in your heart
Shrouded in mystery

We are both wanderers
Nomads on the emotional landscape
Peace will only come with death
If at all

I once took you by the hand
And stared deeply into your eyes
I was left speechless
Time stopped

You march on with a strength that is fathomless
A running paradox of perseverance and self-destruction
People forget about your pain
But I remember

I do not know where it will end
Transfixed by the blood on your dress
We will have to wait and see
Like the rest of the world

Iridescent

The diamond cut the glass
Until it shattered
Bringing seven years of bad luck
Or was it all imagined
A stubborn mind at play
Creating a stark wasteland
Out of loss of control
To convince oneself
That love does not exist
To avoid the struggle
Tearing down the walls
Of repression and defiance
Blinded by a smile
I can smell you
The sunset is scarlet
I just want to give
The dawn breaks through the night
It looked like a flower
Crimson and moist
My life pumped through those veins
My nights were black and vain
The softness of your skin
Contrasted with the strength of your spirit
The beauty you carry inside
Magnified by your body
Iridescent

I Embrace The Twilight Idols

Freedom and anarchy blend
Twisting in the night
To finally see the shoreline
After years lost in a stormy sea

I want to pull myself
Out of the water
To lie gasping
On the sand

I can see a new world
Opening up to me
Like land on the horizon
A new dawn

The darkness fades into memory
As the sun bursts through the clouds
Coldness giving way to heat
Fresh abandon

I embrace the twilight idols
The feeling is anxious and shivering
Throw away the promises
Put off peace for excitement

Not ready to die
I dance with death
At a more frenzied pace
Than before

To Stand Naked

Pieces of a past
That are crumbling fragments
Desperately trying to find
The common theme

I have to let go
Of every illusion
That is holding me back
From expressing truth

To have the courage
To stand naked
Is beautiful
Love personified

Abolish the clutter in my mind
Make sense of the strange memories
Find peace among the dusty shards
Of shattered glass made of dreams

There was a time for exploration
A time for liberation
That led to unrest
To a thousand more questions posed

The ultimate journey
Is not to be taken lightly
Compassion is not for the weak
Insanity is not for the strong

The Night Is For Sorting Through The Ruins

The black notebook
Grabs me by the throat
Taunting my life with
Blood stained hands
Whipping my soul with
Psychotic ramblings
Dragging my life to the edge
A taste of ecstasy
Can lead to insanity
People crave what they want
And want what they crave
Desires explode early in the day
The night is for sorting through the ruins
I thought I could cover everything
In Verse
But there are too many people
For me to explore fully
A sea of humanity
I try to remind myself that the glass
Is half full
But of what
Of heartbreak and ambition
Of semen and blood
There is a locked chamber in my heart
Containing peace
Only death holds the key
And I will wait
Until then I seek the softness of beauty
The clarity of love

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 1

Through the saddest eyes I often saw
what was seething beneath the surface of
the inner mind. What emotions could push
through the fragile shell of humanity?
I often wondered what was in the very
nature of the human animal that could
inflict such cruelty yet at the same
time open the doorway to tenderness. It was
as if the human race was engaged in
a contradictory game that had no conclusion
other than to perpetuate itself.
The angels in my mind urged me to grant
existence the benefit of the doubt. The head
of a baby pushing through the labial lips.
A slap brings cries, tears, and proof of breath.
The endless possibilities that come with
intelligent life. The bipedal animal that
learns quickly to adapt and survive. The
game of love in a world that is an
arranged marriage. The copulation that leads
to birth and the beating heart that leads
to death.
The sunflowers thrive and die. The
sunset fights the night and is overcome.
There is hunger, lust, and pride. The
girl drinks the wine and awaits the
first painful penetration. There is the
mystery of love and the justice of death.
An old man stands in the cold awaiting
a change of luck. A woman moans during
coitus. The flowers bloom and hatred
festers beyond the reach of understanding.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 2

God begs humanity to believe. If only
out of pity. God could die of loneliness
otherwise. Trampled by the onward rush
of creation. Seduced by grandeur and
reduced to a frustrated voyeurism.
Fanaticism on parade. Prelude to a war
of alchemy. Distrustful of an innocent
glance. The smell of a rabid animal's
loins.
Was it fate or recklessness that
brought me here? Staring over the cliff
of incredulity. The rejection of the
modern world. The stink of industrialism
rising from the storm drains. The pain
of progress.
Freedom of the will. The ultimate curse
of humanity. The rejection of the hive
mentality. The responsibility of cruelty and
love.
As I walk the streets I wonder
if so many have suffered for so little
or if the answer lies in a bright blue sky
littered with white clouds. I stop and
notice the rusted shell of humanity sitting
discarded in the corner of a vacant lot.
The wind runs through my hair. The sun
shines on my face. The gargoyles of my
mind take a lunch break. I forgive
the tree roots bursting through the
sidewalk. But does the earth forgive
us for binding it with concrete
and holding hostage a world?

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 3

The only dream worth having is the
dream that ends all dreams. The fated rush
of anonymity filling us with dread. To wander
the city and fear our own deaths. Clutching
for a bitter immortality. The widow weeps and
curses the sky.
To be alone in the desert or on a beach.
To be alone in one's room. To be on one's knees
in an alley searching for a human touch. The
fear of life followed by the fear of death.
The sunset shines a golden hue on
slivers of broken glass. Shards of glass that
have pierced our shoes. The night brings a
hollow feeling to the hallways of our minds.
The carpets are stained with struggle. The
land is battered with love.
Open the window and feel the wind rush
through your hair and across your face. It is
a little birth. Hear your footsteps on the
sidewalk and know you are alive. Nothing
else exists.
The embrace of a lover. The most
intimate kiss. The physical hold on the
mind. The mental hold on the physical.
I walked upon the land and stretched
my mental wings until I saw you. There
were times I thought the wings were
broken. When I found you I realized that
I had been flying through the darkest
night faster than the speed of sound. I
thought I was dead and could not figure
out why I was breathing.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 4

The miraculous fissures in my soul
continued to widen and crack until the
rays of light burst through and revealed
what had become of the angel. Abandoned
on the rocks of a former empire of
thoughts. Bloody and sacrosanct. Peaceful and
serene in the aftermath of euphoric
purpose.
What could define the union of warm
compassion and icy confidence? There was
a time and place beyond the confines of
time and space where we still stand among
the whispers and thunder. In the face
of suspicion emerged our fate. Still partially
hidden from our eyes.
The twilight of our ideals cast a
magical glow upon the rest of our lives.
To walk the land as men and women
aware of the evolving kaleidoscope of our
desires and existence. As vagrants of the
world. As vagabonds defiant of a prosaic
society engulfed in the passionate flames
of creation and destruction.
To destroy the knowledge instilled
in us. To create a new epistemology.
To open ourselves to the radiant dawn
of understanding.
The graceful nuance of despair leads
to a different sort of peace. A calmer
induction into a faulty world. A world
that temporarily bottles the shining
brilliance of love.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 5

Journey down a rainy street. The windows
are covered with drops of water. The chilly breeze
howls through the alley and in between the
buildings. Pull the scarf tightly around your
neck and button your coat. You feel the chill
on your face and see your breath escape you.
Your pace hastens as you quickly make your
way down the street to your destination.
A tall dark building where you have been
staying with friends. You walk up the stairs
and push through the door that leads into
the main room. Everyone present seems
agitated. It seems that a letter and
package have arrived for you. From the looks
on everyone's faces you know what it is.
It all leads to another kind of journey,
doesn't it? Straight to the center of your
soul. A search for happiness that never ends.
For a moment, reverie. And then something
weightier, something darker embraces you.
There is a certain finality to the frost
on the street. It echoes the emptiness
inside your heart that you are trying
to fill. The depression is blotted out by
anxiety. You know you have a job to do.
The knowledge will not make it any
easier. You proceed with the habit that
passes the days. You steel yourself against
the world. A ray of light penetrates the
clouds. Opening the window the sky doesn't
seem as cloudy as clear. The breeze doesn't
seem as chilly as pure.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 6

The dark hot musky smell of a
tropical land. It feels as if a fever
has me by the throat forming a thick
sphere of gelatinous mucus on the roof
of my mouth. Is my forehead as hot
as I think or is it some strange illusion
that the heat has chosen to vex me with
as part of a merciless game?
A city unending and alive with the
joy and sorrow of millions. A chaotic
madness that for some reason proceeds
without calamity. Where is the violence?
The missing person reports proceed incessantly.
Can love be found among this swirling mass
of humanity? Is the outside world aware
of the beating heart of this city? Is this
city aware of the outside world?
A ballet of infamy on the ruins of
a once great empire. The theater is
silent and the dancers still as if time
has stopped and been crystallized into one
classic image. Applause breaks the spell
that has captivated us.
The longing for home. Imagining the
moment of return. A vivid dream that
almost becomes reality from the power of
sense memory. A matter of time passing
leading to the eventual homeward voyage.
The pleasure of crossing the few remaining
miles. The sun shines on our faces and
our spirits are lifted as we arrive at the
starting point.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 7

Sonic landscape. Reverie at dawn. To
take the last remnants of the night and
embrace them until they dissolve into dust
from the sheer force of will. One morning
I sat my muse down at the table and
finding her useless I slapped her.
The bird of prey stalks its victim with
a patience only known to beast. It would
perhaps take years to reap the rewards of
the hunt. Wings stretched. Taking her by
the neck.
The savage urge to survive and thrive.
Civilization is but a sloppy amount of rouge
applied to the human animal's face. Would
it be possible to wash the blood off of our
trembling hands? Are we vindicated like the
jackal? Acting out of natural instinct?
The search continues along the bloody terrain.
Is inspiration a curse? Would she emerge
from the wreckage wiser and more articulate
in her artistry? Or perhaps only a shattered
memory of what was and a forbidden expression
of what could ever be?
The morning lapses into afternoon. The
day becomes a preparation for the returning
night. The questions remain unanswered and
forgotten in the heat. Fanning away the last
vestiges of rational thought. Anticipating the
moral ambiguity of darkness. Bracing ourselves
against the turning of the globe. Reaching
for the last ray of sunlight amidst the
conquering night.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 8

There was a time to fill in the blank
spaces. And they were so easily filled. That
is perhaps the most amazing thing. That
someone could be on a path so sure as to
need little education. That someone could be
the dazzling product of a synthesis of
formal and self education. That this could
equal a life. That this could equal an
artist.
I remember those yesterdays with
nostalgia and awe. That no matter how
dirty the world could be there was
a light of understanding. It forever changed
my outlook. It made even mortality seem
a minor inconvenience. Those special days
became a drug of sorts that resulted in
years of withdrawal. Or was it merely a
transition to another view? Another pursuit?
Branches from the same tree?
And what of the future? Would I
receive a letter and package containing the
truth? Containing beauty? Has the muse who
was dead for so long returned? Why did
she die? How was life breathed into a being
that was cold and dead for so long?
The beast has raged on with a heart
that longed for reawakening. The spirit
almost drowned but found to be clinging
to the rocks of a twilight shoreline. A
new beginning contemplating a distant end.
And for you I know it has been a
similar voyage.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 9

Following a certain path out of the woods
and into a starry dream that held us at
ransom. Make believe eyes that thwarted
all expression of the inner soul releasing
demons that held us at bay. Take my hand
and follow me down the winding path that
leads to an uncertain end. Is it here that
I find the eclipse of my soul?
The hunger in our souls leads to a new
kind of decadence. A thirst that can not
be quenched by ordinary means. As we
sacrifice future generations to the physical
world. I took a long look into your eyes.
One that has lasted years. The touch of
your hand that stayed with me.
Perhaps we could take a hold of one
another and soldier our way onward into
the blackest night. Do we possess what
is needed? Could this be evidence of
something in our hearts that lives on
despite a doubting world?
Put your body against mine and show
me the meaning of life. In a darkened
room give me a reason to believe. Take
all that I have left to give. Promise me
that you won't stop pushing onward. Show
the world what is possible. What can still
be done in a new direction. And the flowers
of our experience will take root and bloom.
As we turn to face the brilliant sun of
our tomorrows. Let me feel your presence
near.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 10

The red sunset presided over the misery
of war. Beauty contrasting wildly with the
struggle of a society to reinvent itself. What
price freedom? Do the dying have any understanding
of what is happening to them politically beyond the
certain comfort of death? In chaos there is
the urge to hold on to what is precious. To hold
a token of the most sentimental urge close
to one's heart and away from the jaws of oblivion.
It seems almost a pathetic act, yet perhaps
the last gasp of the human spirit.
Men seeking comfort in the breasts of
women. Seeking comfort in alcohol and other
drugs. Seeking comfort in the senselessness of
violence. Seeking comfort in the futility of
war. Futile for the aggressor. Futile for the
defender. Until the system readjusts itself and
continues.
The hero operates in secrecy. He is a
phantom who steals and murders the truth for
a mundane purpose. So the system will not
crack. He medicates himself regularly and
prefers not to go home. He is a vagabond whose
heart is filled with wanderlust. He is criticized
for his restlessness and rootless existence. He
continues his routine out of habit and boredom.
If he keeps moving he does not have to think.
He only has to follow orders. He assassinates
one far nobler than himself. He silences the
whistleblower. The heart dies, but the body
of the beast moves on fulfilling its savage
destiny.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 11

The pain of life has us by the balls.
I don't pretend to know why. Except
someone said that the heat of the stove had
to punish the soup until the soup was edible.
Eat the cold soup and take your chances.
We are like soup. Bubbling in the pot with
all of our rancid dreams.
I saw you standing in pools of blood and
pain. And I wondered what it must have been
like. Praying to a dead man. Receiving flowers
from kings. You came up from behind me. And
pushed your body against mine. If I could
stand there with you today all pain would be
eclipsed by your love.
Stumbling out through the doorway and down
the street I felt a strange intuition
capture my soul. I felt our hands locked
and our spirits entwined. The sun and the
wind intersecting in our souls. I know you.
I see you when the leaves flutter in the
breeze.
I felt a savage reprisal gaining momentum
and force within my heart. I held your hand
and looked into your eyes. I saw the death
of a million yesterdays and the birth of a
single tomorrow. And the sadness permeated
our lives. Consolidated our hopes. And lit the
fire of our emotion.
I stand on the beach of a passionate sea.
And you know what that means. Take me
down to a place on the shore where we can
stand in each other's light.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 12

Sitting on a balcony waiting for the
night. An animal instinct took over my heart
and emotions and left me floundering in the
wind. Is blood flowing through our veins all
that it takes? There was a time when the
bond felt strong enough to help us weather
the fiercest storm. And a time when it
was weak enough to splinter into shards of
glass glistening in the sun.
Damn the circumstance that lead to
all of this. It seemed as random as an
avalanche burying us alive. Roses withering
in the arid breeze. Lost in the fields of
hope. The desires that overpower us. The
battlefield that is yesterday. The wounds
that are partially healed. The limited range
of a previous life. And the mistakes that
drove a stake into the heart of our existence.
I take my share of the blame for paradise
lost. Perhaps the lion's share.
Sometimes a candle is lit in the room of
our transgressions. And we can see in hindsight
how we lost our way. We can salvage today
and dream of tomorrow, but forever have lost
yesterday. As I walked down the street you
cared enough to ask if I was alright. I said
yes. And I don't know if I lied. We had
our time like the sunflowers dying on the
canvas. I could not face the end. And
when I was too weak to walk, like some
kind of Christ you carried me. To a
special place on the shoreline.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 13

Don't talk about her. She lives on in
my heart. I think she's still alive
because people don't really die. Every time
she tried to kill herself it was because
a man had broken her heart. Society played
no role. The world was merely fodder
for her dark wit. The virgin meets the
lion and is devoured. No ingenue was she.
Yet her heart was as fragile as a
cardboard box torn to pieces.
Buy her a drink as the world rushes by.
A new and improved world where everyone is
getting what they want. That is the real
dream. Obtaining what your heart desires
and then having the courage to look
yourself in the eye in the mirror with
full knowledge of which dark pit you had
to descend into to achieve your ends.
But you can't wake up from that dream
because it has become your reality. For
better or worse.
She didn't want to be alone. She just
wanted some time to herself. Some time
to write. Some time to think. Some time
to drink. And that's where the trouble
started. She ached to be filled. And she
needed her man for that. But not all the
time. So one night she ordered her dinner,
shortly after she woke up. Then she went
into the bathroom. Finding a man's straight
edge razor that someone had left behind,
she cut her wrists. And not very well.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 14

"It is for love that the whole universe sprang into existence,
and it is for the sake of love that it is kept going."
----Meher Baba

It was a time of possibility. Of taking
the present into one's hands and carving out
a future. Moving on is not always the answer.
Sometimes one must stay put and go inward.
On occasion one must plant roots in order to
ensure growth. After the harvest the roots may
be torn from the earth. I had an idea in my
head. An idea that had been inverted and twisted
over time since my younger days. To create was
the original idea. Spawned from an early love
affair. To create without regard for the
consequences was the inverted and twisted notion
I found myself armed with at the time. As
long as the territory was virgin.
There were other possibilities. That now
I will never know. That lack of knowledge is
probably for the best. Because with a path of
life come comrades. And with comrades comes
love. And love is not for weaklings. And even if
the whole universe sprang into existence for love,
how much love can the heart endure?
The choices have been made and the tracks
have been laid. I can live with the results. I
can see by the first rays of dawn. I can
treasure what was found and do without what
was lost. I found a beautiful and reckless
muse sitting on the rocks of the beach of
my soul. And she taught me how to live in
the void of what I had lost. By showing
me that everything is nothing. And nothing
is everything. And evolution is the only
true revolution.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 15

A vision of my death. Pure in its finality.
But then realizing that I am still here.
Continuing with what I have to do today.
With death comes change. And the changes in
our lives are like little deaths of our former
selves. I want my former self to die. So that
my new self can face a radiant dawn.
I can't make water run up hill. But I can
run up hill. Hill after hill after hill. Until there
are no hills left. He ran up his own hills. He pulled
drunks out of the gutter. He died running up hill.
His friend ran up hill behind him until he left
his friend behind. He circled most of the world
searching for the sun.
The ship sailed four sheets to the wind. And
beached itself on the floor. Sailing through a
dreamless dark void of slumber. Memories can
live or die just like people. And calling my friend
and being barely able to speak. And waking up
in bed with my dream sleeping next to me.
Still alive.
Sometimes one can fall down the mountain.
That can be dangerous and lead to death. But
death is a door to something else. Sooner or
later that door will open for us all. And we
will move on. But we are frightened of the
unknown like a child. And like children we
stumble through the darkness and light of
our lives. It takes time to move on. Like it
takes time to learn. Feeling our way along
the wall of a darkened room searching for
the light.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 16

Sometimes there is something headed out
of control. We try to force things to be
where we want them, but things have their
own way. We are slaves to the currents in
our lives. We must get into the flow that
only we can know to move into the light
of our destiny. Sometimes it is like a blind
man feeling his way.
The anger gave way to love and a
precarious balance of contentment. With that
realization I no longer felt like a vagabond
who had lost all reference points. But I was
still a vagabond. The wind of years of
wandering relentlessly pressing against my body.
I had a new platform to leap from...like
a cat cornered on a ledge who suddenly
remembers he has legs. Like a gambler of
steady nerves pulling the wild card from the
deck. I do not know if there is a God in
heaven, but I had an answer that was made
especially for me.
Wiping the sweat off of my face I
knew that there was far to travel. But
I was not afraid. Because I had been
to the center of the darkest city. And I
had seen the rising of my own personal
phoenix. The ashes were the bittersweet
memories of yesterday. I had a new and
intoxicating desire to construct tomorrow. It
seemed as if I had no choice but to go
on. Following the path that was forged in
the past.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 17

The intellectual bond superseded the social
strata. Although we first met on the other side
of the tracks; and I think that appealed to
you. You had a bit of a rough upbringing and
always longed for home. Always searched for
some kind of family. I learned about your
checkered past. The incarceration and forays
into controlled substances. But there was
emotion, wasn't there? I'm sure there was
a certain amount of passion. Passion mixed
with ambition. And certainly a need to be
loved and understood. As opposed to abandoned.
A burning drive to succeed and win the love
of the world.
I never understood the shadow from the
past. Spreading darkness like a phantom
crawling through the night. The insecurity
strangling the life out of the horizon. Again a
need for controlled substances. But this time
I saw it at close range. Staring me in
the face on almost a daily basis. Ambition
for what? To live a life of fantasy and
phantasm. To what end? I had to finally
extricate myself from a world of delusion.
It was hard to leave the illusion of beauty
behind. The choice was to move forward or be
forever mired in its grasp. The stagnation I
saw chilled me to the bone. But somewhere
in the night someone is still dreaming dreams
that come to naught. And I suppose that
is better than letting the dream die in
a cloud of dust.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 18

Run with a sense of passion, determination,
and purpose. Under a cloudless sky. The goal
is a sense of peace. A last winded gasp in
search of communion. I have been lost in
a maze of reason desperately searching for a
rational exit. Perhaps the best escape is not
of the mind but of the heart.
There was an empire. An empire smeared
with hatred. A culture at its peak, almost
negated by the lust of control. But the virtues
remain in place. Calling to the offspring of
freedom. At times it seems as if the words
of the past have no impact. But the children
can hear. The children can feel. The children
can know and use the knowledge to guide
them to a better day.
Love sometimes got the better of me.
Love takes strength of purpose or it is not
worth the effort. Many people search for
the easy route. The simple path is easily
corrupted by the worst intentions. But taking
a stand involves risk. One should be prepared
to die for love if that is what it takes.
Death is certain regardless. Timing is of
the essence.
I sensed you had the truth in your
hands. I trusted the look in your eye. And
I was never disappointed. Always ready to
release yesterday for the sake of tomorrow,
I stand waiting for the call to action. And
if the call never comes I will die in
peace knowing that I answered the call in the
past.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 19

The demons had me by the throat and
I thought that they would get the better
of me. The struggle continues in near perpetuity
because the dark forces come from my very
mind only to be met with the passion from
my heart. When I was younger I felt
the cool breeze upon my face and sensed my
place in existence. Later the rush of being
was running neck and neck with the rush of
making my way through life. Now I want
to seize the absolute moment again and feel
what is at the center of my soul.
Follow me down the road of exuberance
into the valley of experience. Climb with
me to the mountain top of exhilaration. I
want to see your face in the sunrise
and feel your body in the moonlight. We
will never be the same again but forever
changed. It will be as if the dawn of a
new day transcended our hopes.
The moment will not last but be a
mere transition to a brighter tomorrow.
But the effect on our joint souls will never
leave us as it will forever be a thread of
our evolution. Not to mention a fond memory
that is so bittersweet. So join me in the
room of my dreams and let the journey
begin. Let us follow our desires and hopes
to a place of knowledge and emotion. The
sooner we start our voyage, the sooner we
will arrive at the shore of our greatest
triumph.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 20

The faded dream of yesteryear came rushing
back with a vengeance. Staring me in the face.
Begging for communion. I had to explain that
I had moved on. That I didn't know what
to do now. Confronted with such a vivid and
striking dream. But the vision inflamed a soft
faded memory. And it was bittersweet to feel
it again. I wanted to reach out and embrace
it with all of the strength in my body.
There were times I saw the angel
transcendent from abuse. The abuse that came
from within I could clearly see, but the abuse
that came from without I was barely starting
to comprehend. You looked into my eyes and
I saw the heights of ecstasy and the depths
of despair. You held my gaze and I saw
truth. Could love and beauty be very far
behind? I could never doubt for long.
From the passage of time eternal I saw
you. From the cradle of screaming madness
I felt you. After crossing your path in the
darkness I realized I always knew. The
dervishes of dance lay prostrate on the floor.
You stand at the front wondering if you
should give them more. The crumbling social
structure called you a whore.
I gave up everything I ever dreamed of
just to have a glimpse of the darkest jewel.
Because the light reflected from your visage
made me see. And the thoughts that came
through the air shattered all of the fallen
doubts.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 21

The innocence of a child contemplating joy.
The perfection of the night air. Unbelievably
billowing white clouds against a crystal blue sky
during the day. The world was a small place
even as I stood on the ledge. Even as the
sand blinded me. Red was fun, but misunderstood,
so I explained it away. One day the thorns
dug too deep and it was not seen as an accident.
It was seen as retribution. It was seen as an
eye for an eye.
From whence did I come? I did not know,
but I knew that this was temporary. But it
could not be cut short. That would impact others.
I was here for them. But it was not always
pretty or easy. I remember sweetness being
denied. And the stoic resolve. One could do
without most of the temptations of life. To
give in to the temptations could mean to be
ruled by them. When would I be ready to move
on? And when would they be ready? No one could
say the hour.
The years went by; marked by success and
failure, but mostly success. Sometimes success was
a curse. Sometimes responsibility floundered like
a train racing off the tracks. Eventually there
was a new level of freedom. But even that was
a double edged sword. Enjoyed at the expense
of time and energy. Moving on was not always
easy; sometimes it could take years. But they
were not lost years. I put them to good use.
As all activity is worth the effort for the
mere lessons learned.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 22

The rains came today washing away the
dirt of yesterday. Washing away the nonsensical,
the cumbersome, and all that is worn out. The
air will be fresh with new possibilities. Shall
we press on, marching on the wet and seemingly
virginal ground? The crystal passages of time have
been swept away. I can forgive you now in order
for us to move on, but can you forgive me?
To engage in the dance of chance until all is
forgiven. What is love but a gamble? Deal the
cards and play.
The roses blossomed and bloomed in the
sun of a brilliant tomorrow. I saw the ruby
red visage of your spirit casting a shadow
on the ground. How could such turbulence exist
within such a fair countenance? Your thorns
brushed against me leaving a taste of scarlet
blood on my hands. I could barely look into
your eyes and smile without breaking into a
million pieces. To hold your hand and return
your gaze and grin was an eternal moment
beyond the contradictions of time and space.
The ruins of the past forged a new path
into the visions of tomorrow. The future was
a tangible thing firmly in the grasp of the
new prince. Embrace the vowels of the rainbow
and witness the dawning of a new age. At first
few could understand, but eventually the youth
caught a glimpse of the sword that would cut
through the cobwebs and catacombs of a
dying era, clearing the way for a new
approach to the reflections of life.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 23

You were having a hard time, so we joined
forces temporarily. It seemed like a lifetime.
You helped me out in certain ways and I helped
you out in certain ways. The disintegration of
your family seemed to send your life spinning
out on a wild tangent. For a while I could
deal with it, but then you grew so demanding
that I had to cut you loose. I heard from
you sporadically for several years and then you
were silent. I often wondered if you remained
fallen.
There was a time and a place where the
night seemed magical and full of wonder. I
was living a double life. Although there was
nothing nefariously immoral about it, certain aspects
of my life were separated into compartments
that rarely touched each other. Certain hours were
spent earning money and certain hours were spent
spending it in pursuit of an agenda bursting
with dreams. The night was an adventure that
propelled our lives forward starting with the
first signs of dusk.
The night blessed me and folded me into a
slumber where I could explore the rugged
terrain of my visions. I walked to the end of
the road by the railroad tracks and caught a
shadowy glimpse of the future. It was up to me.
Up to me to search the alleys and highways for
a piece of beauty and a taste of truth. Along
the way I met fellow seekers. Our journeys
together make up some of my most pleasant
memories. Even though this world isolates us.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 24

I saw the look in your eyes like a
trapped animal. Disbelief in your gaze regarding
the circumstances that had befallen your days.
Society was demanding vengeance for a supposed
action. Or was it vengeance for a supposed
inaction? Who could be sure? Of course the
political compromise would benefit those who
pursued you. And you would be inconvenienced
to a degree.
The dark beauty appeared like an angel in
our midst. Her penetrating eyes piercing our
hearts like arrows. A perfect visage to launch
a thousand dreams. Life was suddenly worth
living. Suffering had purpose. The struggle to
survive was eclipsed by her primal beauty.
Remember me? The savage beast cried.
For how long were you planning on forsaking
me for the mediocrity of the mundane
world? How dare you cower in the shadows
of propriety while I languish in the sun
of aesthetic lust alone? Rise out of the
ashes of yesterday and greet the rising star
of tomorrow.
I dragged myself to the rocks near
the shoreline. My hands and knees were bloody
from the effort. Seating myself on a jagged
cliff I stared out towards the horizon. I
searched for any clue to my fate. The brightness
of the sea and the sky blinded the clarity
of my vision. The foggy haze left me unsure
of the future. I entered the darkest abyss
of my mind and pressed on regardless.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 25

Tender were your years. I could see it in
your eyes and your smile. Also in your tears.
Fragile was your heart, but resilient was your
spirit even as your world crumbled at your
feet. The savage glow in your eyes gave birth
to a glorious cacophony that rang out throughout
the land in sonic waves of spun gold. I saw
the full colors of the spectrum in your presence.
From a golden sun to a violet sea. I threw
myself into the bright ocean of your eyes.
I stood on the bank of the river and
stared at the muddy waters. Observing a scene
similar to that from where all life sprang. It
seemed irreversible the way the water flowed
unabated, just as the life force rushes on without
much thought or consent. The stars were overhead
giving faint light and quiet witness to life on
Earth. Did they approve of our teeming agitation
or were they beyond such contemplation? I wondered
if I could ever know.
Could I take you by the hand and finally
understand the mystery? Would the cool soft
dampness unlock a secret? Would I only find the
crushing sadness of your reverie? All nights are a
night to remember. All nights are as identifiable as
snowflakes. To feel the breeze from the open
window. To be spent as the day was spent. To
make something from time is the same as to
make something from life. The warm embrace
of the dawn reminds me of you. The blood
on our hands only serves to bond us closer
than before.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 26

The city spawned us. Sending us into parallel
orbits experiencing the cornerstones of life. Each
new beginning heralding an ever expansive idea
of who we are. The milestones litter the streets
that we have crossed, propelling us forward to meet
our destiny. The pain that forged our characters
was not enjoyable and the occasional pits of
pleasure that we stumbled into left us dazed and
out of breath. The past has been haunting our
present and must be exorcised before it pollutes
our future.
Young supple flesh gave way to the intoxicants
of life and the night would never be the same
again. A paralyzing obsession with a western
land that monopolized all thought, feeling, and
action. Babylonian excess permeated our bodies
and penetrated our souls until the night was a
distant memory and the dawn an unexpected
visitor. We had arrived at the shoreline with
plans of conquest. But perhaps we were the
conquered. Perhaps we were the vanquished.
The wet black streets beckon us once again.
The lonely weary challenge remains as a monolithic
obelisk in our midst. Yet I missed the dreary
rooms. I looked forward to visiting the old
haunts once again. The old haunted haunts. The
anti-hero was life itself, set in a savage play. I
would make yet another attempt to come to terms
with the darkness. To challenge the sun. To make
claim to the idea that out of destruction can
come new life like a phoenix rising from the
ashes of the burning effigy of our former selves.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 27

The temptation to dive into the pounding
surf of a roaring ocean engulfed me. But what
of the consequences? Could I at this point
risk everything to conquer the unknown? How would
it affect those around me? I stared at the foam
and spray of the receding tide. And longed for
another chance. As if the temptation of abandon
was life itself. The call of the siren was still
ringing in my ears. Haunting me by day and night
ever since I first heard the sound.
It felt good to be alive, the sun shining on
my face, no matter which path I chose. And I
felt a new camaraderie with my companions. New
and fresher than before. I did not know why
these brighter feelings had transpired, but I was
determined to exploit their joy, as one sucks the
juice from ripened fruit. I had decisions to make,
but felt so malleable, that if circumstances were
thrust upon me by another, I would play along.
To a certain extent. Or would I?
Changes were approaching so rapidly as if to
leave me dizzy. But I had a very strong urge
to ride out the storm. Come what may. Curiousity
was getting the better of me, and restlessness
was weighing upon my mind. The last remaining
phantoms of doubt and denial were fading into the
shadows as the sun showed another path. I would
proceed cautiously, but not without excitement.
Perhaps the answer that I was looking for
was not too far off in the distance. I braced
myself to experience what was awaiting me
not so much farther down the line.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 28

The blonde daisy swayed in the breeze. I
caught the colors of the scene in my mind. Gold,
green, and blue. To rub a shade of blue from your
being. The dark green of late spring. The dazzling
gold that is this flower's crown. The splendor
of creation engulfed me in its vitality and
irreverence. To dance the fertile rite that borders
on madness. Orange and reddish scarlet from the
sun as it sets. As gold turns to blood red. Followed
by the blackness and blank slate of possibility that
is night. Leading my thoughts into the whiter shades
of grey, stunned by the limitless vistas of amorality
that exist beyond right and wrong.
Years of living were evident in your gaze,
yet you looked still quite young. I wondered
about the things that you experienced during your
darkest nights that some might consider wrong; even
though the participants were obviously willing. As of
late your life seemed to be relatively controlled, if
not without certain legal amusements. I casually
contemplated where the course of your life might
lead to next. Although, you slyly appeared to be mature
beyond your years.
There was a hardness mixed with a warm vigor
for life that I saw in your face. An understanding
of the fundamental duality between work and play.
Between reason and emotion. Between denial and
excess. A countenance framed in gold. A visage
that spelled out experience. A beautiful soul. Taking
flight without shame or guilt over a moral battlefield
with a power and control that could only come
from a strong heart.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 29

It was only a couple of months, but it seemed
like a lifetime. It seems like it was only yesterday.
We took the night by the throat and we burned
it down. We were free. Perhaps that freedom was
only temporary for both of us. Perhaps freedom
has an ephemeral quality on this Earth. I remember
the days and nights rolling along like a train. And
your train ran off of the tracks, didn't it? We
were both at the crossroads of our young lives;
intersecting with each other meaningfully for one
last time.
It is impossible to fully recapture the feeling
of that time; but sometimes I sense a part of
it, sometimes I smell it. I remember you yelling
at the top of your lungs and the shock on my
new friend's face. And when you broke your ankle
I remember not taking you to the hospital. But
someone else did. I remember the white angel
that took you by the hand until your nose ran
red rivers of blood. And you cupped your hands.
But the blood overflowed into the hall for all to
see.
You helped me at a time when I needed help.
And I helped you at a time when you needed
help. I was the only one who could help you
and you were the only one who could help me.
And I will never forget. Sometimes I wonder
what became of you. Sometimes I am afraid to
know. Inroads were made into virgin territory.
We bore the water that was necessary to
sustain us. And I continued on with my life
in the remains of the city.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 30

I saw the disturbing scenes played out
indoors and in the streets. Prostitution took on
many forms. It was becoming difficult to
tell who the exploited was and how exploitation
in general and victimhood in particular had
become such a codependent situation. Sometimes
the scene lost all semblance of control. Violence
erupted in a sudden and spectacular display of
naked aggression. Everyone was surprised and
shocked. Suddenly the game was over.
The immediate results of anarchy in the
scene was for the major players to isolate
themselves from the wild cards that had been
allowed to drift in and out of the social
situation. This led to stagnation. A conservative
dull tone prevented the most interesting ideas
and elements from presenting themselves to the
artist. The identity of the artist as an artist
was weakened and drawn into question. The trade
off between security and art seemed painfully
expensive and limiting.
I had the feeling that the same mistakes
would be made again and again. That security
led to complacency. That art could only exist
conjoined with a certain element of risk and
that this equation could not be faked and
perhaps not even orchestrated. Perhaps certain
things had to develop naturally, organically. And
that this type of artistic Darwinism would never
be survival of the fittest, but almost
inversely, survival of the wildest. Like an
animal that can not be tamed.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 31

I was at peace with it. There was a part
of myself that only lived for a part of you. Before
you came along that part of me was dead. I
was in mourning until I met you. And in
mourning I will be when we part. When one of
us leaves this earth it will be a new mourning
for the other. There is a passion between part
of me and part of you. Perhaps it is a past
life that can not be tamed. Perhaps it is a
distant memory. I think like minded ones have
a means of finding each other. And I looked
for you. I looked for you longer than you
looked for me. For me it seems that the
search is always longer than for those I find.
But that makes the finding that much sweeter.
The literal blood of your passion moved me.
I felt swept away even as others were
shocked. I was spellbound. I steadily greeted
the blood of the artist. I would take anything
from you. As long as you let me add my part.
Like a wolf howling in the night. Like a
gangster whispering threats. The twins of
the dark before the dawn. I remember those
days. They were bittersweet. If I think about
that time hard enough I can feel the rush
to my brain. It did not border on love. It
was love. In everyone's face. But rip away the
shards of nostalgia. Do not live in the past.
Because I was looking at the clouds today.
And I realized the miracle of existence.
Grabbing me by the throat with all of its
reckless beauty.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 32

The razor's edge sliced through the desert
and into the hearts of the many who had left
behind their past lives to become a part of the
burning sand. The fog of the morning slipped
away without warning as the heat of the sun
rose to rule the afternoon. I looked upon the
searchers who had left the mainstream of society
behind to take their journey to the edge of the
new world. To the last shoreline on earth. To
sweat it out with the rest of us on the last
precipice. I saw the hope and idealism there.
The blinding sun changed the scent of our skins
as we wrestled with everything that could not be
forgotten. And we will meet our destiny among
the ruins of the New Babylon.
It took guts to face the sunset. To rise
up and walk towards the waning sun and into the
night. But the glory and splendor that could be
found there! In the ragged nocturnal light.
I saw the harm and I saw the good. I saw
the broken hearted and I saw the joyous.
The desperate and the celebrated. The human
parade. Why did I feel drawn to these streets?
Where the people showed their souls without
concern? Where I wandered amidst heartache
and excess? Where the smile of a child seemed
strangely sacrosanct? Take my own personal
demons and lay them on the cracked boulevards.
Destroy the last feelings of insecurity on the
rocks of revolution. I saw you standing on
the corner of my mind and I wondered why
you were always by my side.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 33

Blonde or black, I was confused by the
choice. I saw the golden circle and knew the
meaning. Why do you raise me above the floor? I
journeyed long and hard for this moment only to
be made to wait with a friend from previous
journeys. And we are on a new journey together.
I felt it in my veins when I looked into your
eyes. Have the savage years ravaged us both?
Or is the ephemeral nature of time a mere
illusion and do we maintain our grace? I saw
the meaning of it all spelled out before me
as never before. I have seen life dormant
and I have seen life fly. Spreading its wings
and venturing past a new horizon.
What could tame the wild abandon of this
love? It has gone beyond the point of logic.
I crave more, like an addict on the skids.
The power and the beauty overwhelm me as
never before. And the impulse is undeniable. I
am a stranger lost in a maze of emotions that
I barely understand. But I want you with
me. I can barely stand us being apart. I
can barely stand any of us being apart.
I see that we are all forever conjoined.
And when your eyes stare beyond the people
I know I understand. I heard the universe
in your laughter. I felt humanity in your tears.
We remembered what it was to be alive in
your presence. I can never forget. It will
be carried with me to the grave. Even as I
die, others will continue until they realize
the inherent beauty.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 34

The sun rose on a day of drifting and
contemplation. The streets were virtually deserted
on a day when the populace was distracted by
other pursuits. I wandered the city alone. At a
few of my usual haunts I was recognized and
welcomed. I felt as if I was a specter. The
heat of the afternoon sun pressed against me, but
did not feel particularly bothersome. I wondered
if this was what death was like. A whitewashed
phantasmagoria. I felt at peace, but there was a
sadness that permeated the afternoon. I was
alive among the living, but the touch of reality
was fleeting. Was I losing my identity? My
personal boundaries seemed arbitrary. As if I
could do neither harm nor good. Perfection seemed
irrelevant. Nothing seemed real. In the brightest
light I felt the darkness. And the earthiness
of the darkest shadow overwhelmed me. I do not
care about the past mistakes. I would change
nothing now. My errors have made me who I
am. Without fault there is no learning.
There was a place, that should be a sacred
place, but no one who saw it would ever recognize
it as such. But I was there. I heard you
spill your stories and I think I understand.
It made me feel less desolate. I realized
I was connected to you. And everyone. It made
me question my life. In a good way. It made
me question the value I assigned to various
ideas. I felt something new in your heart,
as if that was what I had been missing
all along.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 35

I saw the world in a new way. Removed
from the tunnel vision concerns of the self. The
mere fact of existence was stunning. The values of
the world were standing on their heads. The race
towards death seemed less futile. I was in the
now. Take my hand and lead me to the next
precipice. I am ready to dive into the eternal
sea with the sun on my back. Take me there.
In this life I see and I learn. The brutality
leads to wisdom.
Is this what I am going to take with
me? The shadows and illusions of a dark world?
The striving and the struggling for ego? I
am flawed as I stumble upon the path. And
that is the point. You are me. And I am you.
Can I find the nexus? Can I draw you near
to me? Can I see the point in your scheme
that is the connection? I feel crushed upon
in the aftermath. Your flesh on the ground.
The tears in your eyes an expression of the
new emotions. The blood in your veins the symbol
of the new humanity. I felt your breath. I
know you are alive. The taste of your mouth
becoming the echoes of a new reality. And you
reached for me with your hands. As one human
being seeks out another. Because that is our
nature. Just as a lioness hunts her prey. I
wanted to share your company. As the sun sets
darkening the city. Because that is better than
scavenging the streets alone. Your embrace almost
shattered my bones. Your stare forever in my
refracted mind.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 36

The timing was the thing. The only thing
that saved me in the physical world besides love.
Just when I would think myself lost, the leaf
would be turned. And I could see. This of course
happened many times. Each time I was as stunned
as the last. But who was turning the leaves?
What sacred rush in my blood could reveal this
to me? The answer was lurking beyond death. And
beyond life. To understand it would be to cease all
rational understanding. To understand it would be
to experience existence beyond the human realm.
And within our hearts.
Monotony was appearing to me to be an illusion.
No repeated act was truly repeated. There was
always a variance of difference. All actions were
individually color coded in the spectrum of life and
displayed through a universal prism. Life is not a
repetitive chore. Every action, every moment, is living
proof of the miracle of existence. I understood
this at last as my own life and the lives of
others raced by at an alarming speed. The key
is to understand that each moment is precious
and individual and significant.
I realized there was a sun when you opened
your eyes and began your day. It was enough to
get me to arise and stagger out of bed. And
once awake I began all that there is to start
another day of my life and my purpose. We all
have a purpose in this life and we have to
face it every day. Most forcibly at the beginning
of each day. Do not let another day pass
without starting to move towards your purpose.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 37

The passion of life is intertwined with the
sadness. In our lives the two cling to each other.
Beauty is on her knees looking up for salvation.
I see the hope and the weariness in her face.
At times she looks desperate and at times she looks
radiant. Where will her journey lead her? From the
pit of hell to the apex of her sunrise. She reaches
out to us, but how can we be ready? At times we
do not understand and at times we let her take us
for a ride. I live for her.
There is a time to assassinate the last vestiges
of complacency. To take by the throat the demon of
indecision. I declare that time to be now. A time
to live in the moment. A moment that should
become a lifetime. Every second contains the seed
of possibility. As the seeds fall away one has only
to grasp a few to grow a world of difference.
The choice is continually ours every instant of
every day. The sword is decisiveness. Use it
to cut through mediocrity.
Truth stumbled along the path. I held her
face in my hands. And suddenly I could see.
Many have died for her. It is time for many to
live for her. Many have tried to stamp her out.
Yet she remains; scarred and bloody, yet indestructible,
making her way through our brutal world. If beauty
inspires passion, truth inspires sadness. When that
sadness turns to determination, victory will be at
hand. Where truth is allowed to grow the world
will be transformed and beauty will be achingly
omnipresent among the ruins of our past failures
until those failures are a dim memory.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 38

You can see the humanity in their eyes. I
can tell when they understand. When they can go
outside of themselves and see what another
person is going through. I can see it in their
faces. And in their eyes. I can dream of beauty
incarnate. There are times when I run into
beauty out in the world. There are times when
beauty exists only in my dreams. I feel her
gentleness. Her childlike innocence that has grown
into adolescent playfulness and is on the verge of
adult love. Can I follow her there?
There was the sadness of contemplating all
that I had lost. All that had washed out to the
sea. Sometimes I felt as if I had lost all
that I had. Then I realized that to lose
was to change. That to change was to grow.
That to grow was to become. I started seeing
the images of those who had gone before me.
They beckoned to me. And they were beautiful.
I wanted their world. I was filled with
desire for their existence. I felt as if that
desire was dangerous and could lead to my demise.
What were they trying to tell me? Could I
find peace in her arms? Where was this vision
leading me? To yet another challenge? The
pen was like a syringe. The ink like a drug
that fueled my life and gave it purpose. Or
made it bearable. She watched over the darkness
of my life like an angel. She appeared to me
and taught me what beauty truly was. I then
learned the truth from her. She showed me
a glimpse of the true meaning and purpose of life.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 39

Should I keep the momentum going? Take
it as it's rolling? I want to see you flowing.
The rules were self-imposed by my mind. They did
not really exist. I was always free. Free to enjoy
what was. Without a care in the world. I made
my own messes which I had to extricate myself
from as well as I could. Half of the time I did
understand how useless and wasteful it was to lend
an ear to the judgments of society. The other half
of the time I navigated through hell.
Keep the rhythm going. Take opinions from
polling. Down the river we are rowing. I saw
the blackness and I saw the sun. Who could
say I did not live? If I did not understand
the mystery of each moment then, I understand
it now. Damn perfection. Perfection is an illusion
like water in the desert. And like water in the
desert, perfection is ephemeral and fades away. Reality
is not perfect, but the collision of our energies.
Sometimes it is difficult to continue.
I saw you looking at me in a dream and
it reminded me of our past and the future we
were moving towards. It reminded me of how
our paths continued to intersect over time. Your
piercing beauty struck and astonished me. I did
not feel alone. There was no need to seek you,
because you already lived in my heart. You were
guiding me with purpose. At the time I did
not know in which direction. There was a calm
steady passion in your gaze. There was deep
love and recognition in your eyes. Existence has
gone full circle in your visage.

The Heart Of The Beast----Page 40

The outlaw watched the sun descend beneath
the hills. It took patience and persistence to achieve
the goals. The process was loved, which led to eventual
success. There was a certain sadness at the end of
the journey. It had been a long and painful time
interspersed with insight. The darkness had abated
and I wished it would never return. The fear and
chaos seemed unreal. As if they could not possibly
exist. The work required was not over, but was
being seen for what it was; work, and nothing more.
I only needed what was needed of me. The
last ruins of my former life were drifting away.
It was time for a new dawn. To walk the
streets freely in the early morning haze. To feel
free again. To be natural and at one with my
state. To live without fear. The savagery of the
world held at bay for the illusion that it is.
The panther of time tightening its jaws on my
life, but losing its grip on my soul. The aftermath
of destiny.
I wanted to be with you and watch the
sun as it rose over a new road. In a sense
we are there. Standing shoulder to shoulder
witnessing all the colors of the spectrum on the
horizon. The breeze flowing freely against our
faces. All I want is to continue the journey
with you. I have nothing left to weigh me
down. The phantoms of the past are receding
into the shadows. I know you will always
be with me because we are part of each
other. There is no end to a world with
no beginning.

All Poems By Chris Steven Young ©2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010